


Of Mice and Coffee

by ashtraythief



Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Schmoop, bottom!Jared, discussion of domestic abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-23
Updated: 2015-07-20
Packaged: 2017-12-21 04:09:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 27,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/895622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashtraythief/pseuds/ashtraythief
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Boy meets boy. The only problems? One of them is painfully shy and still recuperating from a bad relationship and the other one is cursed with a belligerent cat. Somehow it all works out though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a prequel for You make me cry in a good way for this[ prompt](http://spnkink-meme.livejournal.com/67741.html?thread=21957021#t21957021) on the [spnkink_meme](http://spnkink-meme.livejournal.com/)
> 
> Also, this is me indulging in every bad, schmoopy dating-story-cliché there is. You have been warned!
> 
>  
> 
> Due to the muse being uncooperative, this story is on indefinite hiatus. I have added a fourth chapter that is actually almost two years old and I forgot to post here. So the story is still on hiatus, but I feel this chapter gives a little bit more closure. It might work for you if you like open endings. Apologies to everyone who's waiting for the completion of the story.

  
Jensen looked at the mauled piece of fake fur in his hand and sighed.  
  
Two days ago this had been a toy mouse. Now it was a gray lump with its white, fluffy filling spilling out everywhere.  
  
He shot Misha a dark look, but blue eyes just blinked back at him indifferently.  
  
“Why did I take you in again, you ungrateful bastard?”  
  
Of course, Misha couldn’t answer but he didn’t need to. Mac had left home for college two weeks ago and of course the dorms didn’t allow pets.  
  
Their parents had celebrated the moving out of their last child with booking a three month cruise on the Indian Ocean and so Mac had shown up on Jensen’s door step, cat carrier and a bag of toys in hands, had made big eyes at Jensen and asked him if he wanted to be the best brother _ever_.  
  
As soon as Jensen had spotted Misha he’d told Mac that Josh was a much better brother, but unfortunately Josh’s wife was allergic to cats, so Jensen didn’t really have a choice and Misha had moved in with him.  
  
Misha didn’t seem to like his new living arrangement very much and he had taken to chew on everything he could get. He had already destroyed Jensen’s favorite pair of Converse, left overs from his wilder college days, so Jensen had gone to Walmart and bought Misha some more toys. The cat seemed to enjoy chewing up the little toy mice immensely and now, only a week later, they were all dead. Literally.  
  
Jensen didn’t plan on going shopping today but there was a little pet store right next to the coffee shop where he got his daily caffeine fix, so he would pick up some new mice there for Misha to tear apart after work tomorrow.  
  
“Just no more destroying of my stuff tonight, okay?” he told the cat.  
  
Misha just flicked his tail and wandered off into the direction of the bedroom. Another night with the cat.  
  
Great.  
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
Jared entered the pet store through the back door at exactly 7:15.  
  
He didn’t start work until 7:30, but since he needed fifteen minutes every day to stare out of the window he needed to start early if he wanted to get everything done until they opened at nine.  
  
The first thing he did every morning was feed the animals. He enjoyed this time the most, when he was alone with the animals, getting to pet them and watch them happily devour their food.  
  
After that he unpacked the morning’s delivery and put the newly arrived products onto the shelves. Today a lot of new stuff had arrived and Jared almost forgot to check the time regularly. When he looked at his watch again, it was 8:21.  
  
Crap.  
  
Jared made his way to the front of the store as fast as he could, stumbling over half unpacked boxes and cleaning out a shelf of dog food. The cans rolled all over the floor but Jared would clean them up later. He took his usual spot behind the giant scratching post that stood in the outer display window.  
  
From here he could observe the entrance to the coffee shop next door perfectly, but nobody from outside would be able to see him. Jared knew he acted like a crazy stalker, but he didn’t care. Jared knew he acted like a crazy stalker, but he didn’t care. The first time he’d seen _him_ was when his coffee machine broke and he’d been forced to go to Bean Fix. Since then he just hadn't been able to stop  
  
The man with the green eyes had become a steady fixture in Jared’s morning routine simply because he was the most perfect man Jared had ever seen in his life.  
  
He was beautiful, tall and broad-shouldered, light brown hair and those big green eyes, a cute, delicate looking nose sprinkled with freckles that somehow fit perfectly in his face and the most kissable lips Jared had ever seen. And god, he wanted these lips to kiss him.  
  
Obviously that would never happen, because Green Eyes looked like a model straight out of one of Gen’s glossy magazines and Jared - well he looked like Jared. He wasn’t exactly ugly, but he was so far out of the other man’s league they weren’t even playing the same sport. If Green Eyes was Football, then Jared was Curling.  
  
That one time Jared had been in a room with Green Eyes he had made himself as small as possible, but he needn’t have bothered, because the other man didn’t even notice him.  
  
He had stumbled through the coffee shop with half closed eyes, had waived several bills at the counter and the guy behind it had instantly given him a big cup with the words “there you go, man.”  
  
So Green Eyes wasn’t only a regular, he also came in every morning at the same time.  
  
The next day Jared had debated going to the coffee shop again but decided not to. Even if the guy would see him, it wouldn’t make a difference. First of he didn’t even know if the guy was gay and secondly he would never be interested in someone like Jared.  
  
Jared knew that, he had been so lucky that Jeff had even taken an interest in him.  
  
Jeff had told him often enough that he didn’t mind that his nose was too pointed and his mouth too wide, that it didn’t bother him that he was so tall and gangly and clumsy, he still loved him, but in the end he had left Jared anyway.  
  
And Jared understood, he was just a shy, awkward guy working in a pet store, nothing special about him and at least he’d had two good years with Jeff.  
  
Sure they had their rough patches, Jared had been particularly slow when it came to sex, but at least in the beginning Jeff had been patient with him, showing him how a relationship worked. Jared was thankful for that, maybe one day he would meet a nice enough guy he could try that with.  
  
Jared was pulled out of his musings when the door of the coffee shop opened and Green Eyes came out.  
  
Like every morning he stepped outside, stopped, took a deep whiff of the coffee, cradling it in his hands like it was the most precious thing in the universe and then he took a long gulp. Now he would turn around and walk into the other direction, but this morning he hesitated.  
  
His head turned and Jared watched frozen in terror as Green Eyes looked directly at him. Or rather at the pet store. After what seemed like an eternity he finally turned around and walked away, but unlike the other mornings Jared couldn’t appreciate his very beautiful backside, he was too busy getting his breathing back under control.  
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
The pet store was right next to the coffee shop, so naturally Jensen got himself another cup before going in.  
  
He wasn’t really familiar with the afternoon staff, so he had to actually vocalize his order, but that was okay. It meant he could tip them twenty instead of the thirty-five percent he always left in the mornings as an excuse for the whole non-talking thing.  
  
When he entered the pet store the first thing he heard was booming laughter. It was a good sound, full of happiness and free of any malice and when he took a couple of more steps he could see the source of the laughter.  
  
A tall guy and a little girl were standing in front of the row of cages at the far wall watching some small animal scurry around in its cage. The girl gave a high giggle and the guy chuckled with her.  
  
Jensen could only see his back, but it was a really nice back. Tall with broad shoulders and a really, _really_ perky ass half hidden under baggy pants.  
  
Jensen shook his head. It was a testament to how long he’d gone without sex that he started perving on the backs of random pet store customers.  
  
He started wandering through the aisles, looking for new mice for Misha. He found the aisle designated for cat stuff and holy shit how many different toys could there be? There were all kinds of toys, some of which Jensen didn’t even know what they were supposed to be, but no mice.  
  
Looking at all the stuff he felt a little bit like the first time he had gone into a sex shop.  
  
He was ready to give up and buy something else when he spotted a big crate with mice on the bottom shelf. Thank god.  
  
He bent down and grabbed two of them. They looked to be of a much better quality than the Walmart ones so hopefully they would last longer.  
  
He stood up and turned around, only to see the tall guy who had laughed so loud before standing there and still staring at the spot where Jensen’s ass had been just moments before.  
  
Jensen noticed that the guy’s chest was just as nice as his back and that he had a handsome face but he didn’t need another toppy bastard asking him how he’d gotten the bow in his legs and telling him that he’d really like to bend Jensen over the next flat, available surface.  
  
Not that there was anything wrong with being a toppy bastard, quite the contrary, it was just that Jensen liked to be the one who did the bending over.  
  
Unfortunately there was something about him that just screamed fuck me to other tops and tall guy over there seemed no exception. He was still staring at him, so Jensen gave a huff and walked into the direction of the check out. No point in getting into this.  
  
There was no one behind the register, so Jensen hit the little bell on the counter. The store was quite old school, now that he thought about it and if Jensen hadn’t been so annoyed by tall and toppy he might have enjoyed looking around a little bit more.  
  
“H- hi. Did you f- find everything okay?”  
  
Oh great, tall and toppy worked here.  
  
Jensen nodded and gave him a terse yes. He pushed the mice over the counter and the guy rang them up. He didn’t look at Jensen through the whole process, but when he was done and gave Jensen his total his eyes got stuck on Jensen’s mouth.  
  
Jensen put some bills on the counter and waited for the inevitable come on. The guy probably wouldn’t ask about his cocksucking lips in broad daylight, but hey, you never knew.  
  
It never came though, the guy just handed him his change with a mumbled, “there you go, have a nice day,” turned around and headed into the area behind the counter, separated from the sales room with a curtain. Jensen heard the unmistakable clang of something falling down and couldn’t suppress a smile. Not very smooth.  
  
He left the store and headed home, but there was something nagging at the back of his mind the whole time.  
  
It didn’t come to him until later, when he was lounging on the couch, watching TV and drinking a beer. Tall and toppy had stuttered. And he had almost fled the room after Jensen had paid. He hadn’t been lusting after him, he’d been nervous.  
  
Great. Jensen was so caught up in his last bad hook-ups that he couldn’t see when a guy was simply crushing on him anymore, because tall and toppy? Just tall, not so toppy.  
  
At that moment there was a ripping sound and Misha jumped on the couch to drop one of the new mice into his lap. It wasn’t torn open, but it also didn’t have a head anymore.  
  
Jensen grinned and stroked the cat’s ears. “Good kitty. You’re such a good little mice killer, aren’t you? Well, I guess this means I’ll have to get you some new ones, huh?”  
  
The cat just pushed his head into his hand, before nipping at his fingers and jumping off the couch, presumably in search of another mouse to decapitate.  
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
It was 8:17.  
  
Jared knew, because he had checked his watch almost constantly. Normally he would be behind the scratch post at 8:15 because that was the earliest Green Eyes showed up (8:22 at the latest so he could make it to his job at 8:30 Jared guessed).  
  
After the disaster that had happened yesterday he didn’t know if he could face him though, even if it was only through a window and the other guy couldn’t really see him.  
  
God, it had been so terrible. Jared couldn’t help but stare at the man who of course had noticed and been understandably unfriendly after that.  
  
He couldn’t even try to chalk that up to Green Eyes being a jerk, because he’d seen the guy hold the door to the coffee shop open for people almost every morning, he had helped a women get her stroller down the steps, hell he had even helped an old lady once when her shopping bag had spilled her groceries all over the sidewalk. Green Eyes was practically a saint, but of course even a saint would be in a bad mood if he was being gaped at by someone like Jared.  
  
So Jared stayed away from the window. It was time he stopped with his pathetic crush anyway.  
  
Gen had offered to set him up with a guy she knew from college and she wasn’t taking no for an answer. In her opinion Jared had moped over Jeff long enough and it was time to get back out there, as she put it.  
  
He put the insect mix into the shelf and sighed. Maybe he should tell her yes, even if it was just to try to forget about Green Eyes.  
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
Misha had destroyed the other mouse in record time so two days later Jensen was back at the pet store. It was a good thing that things were slow at work this week and he could leave early.  
  
Tall and not-so-toppy (yeah, he really need a new moniker for the guy) was standing behind the counter and going over what appeared to be a list on a clipboard.  
  
Jensen went to the row for the cat supplies, grabbed two mice from the bottom shelf and made his way to the counter.  
  
He had been sort of an asshole the other day, so he put on his most charming smile when he greeted the guy.  
  
“Hey.” Not his most original line ever, but still a classic.  
  
The guy looked up and yeah, he was really pretty, with exotic eyes and a wide mouth. Except that he looked terrified.  
  
Shit, had he been that bad?  
  
“Um, hello. D- did you find everything okay?” he asked and god, he blushed. How adorable was that? Also he was wearing a name tag.  
  
“Yes, thank you Jared. I've found _everything_ I’m looking for.” He smiled again, this time a little bit more flirty, but Jared just looked at him confused and slightly panicked.  
  
“How do you know my name?”  
  
Jensen raised his eyebrows, because really?  
  
“You’re wearing a name tag,” he told Jared who looked down to his chest, as if he’d really forgotten it was there and blushed even more.  
  
“Oh, right. Sorry.”  
  
Jared looked so crestfallen Jensen felt the sudden urge to draw him into a hug and comfort him. Instead he tried to smile reassuringly.  
  
“Don’t worry about it. My work shirt has my name stitched into it and I forget about it all the time,” he told Jared, even though that had stopped happening after his second week at Doc Beaver’s practice. He was rewarded with a small smile and the tiniest hint of dimples.  
  
He decided to push a little more. “It’s Jensen by the way.”  
  
Again Jared looked confused.“What?”  
  
“My name,” Jensen explained. “My name is Jensen.”  
  
“Oh. That’s a beautiful name. I mean, rare, because, I mean I never heard it before so...” Jared trailed off and started fiddling with the mice on the counter. Jensen couldn’t help but smile a bit. Jared was just too cute.  
  
“You’re total is $5.98,” he said abruptly.  
  
Jensen pulled out his wallet and wondered what exactly was going on with Jared.  
  
He paid and Jared gave him his change back, but the younger man didn’t look at him again. Jensen thought he was maybe twenty-three or twenty-four years old, so he wasn’t too young.  
  
He would really like to ask him out and figure out what was going on in that beautiful head of his, but Jared picked up the clipboard and once again disappeared into the storage area.  
  
Huh. Either he was the shyest guy Jensen had ever met or he had read Jared’s interest wrong. He left the pet store and thought that if this was meant to go anywhere fate would intervene.  
  
It was what his mom always said anyway.  
  
  
  
Jensen didn’t count on fate acting through a belligerent Siamese cat, but two days later and the mice had once again been destroyed. One of them was ripped into several pieces, of the other one Jensen only found the tail.  
  
“You didn’t actually eat it, did you?” he asked Misha and the cat shot him a look so full of disdain that Jensen just mumbled, “of course you didn’t,” and proceeded to bury the remnants of the mice in the trash.  
  
It looked like the universe wanted him to see Jared again after all.  
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
Jensen. His name was Jensen. It fit him, Jared decided. Beautiful and rare, just like the man it belonged to.  
  
Jared still wanted to sink into the ground when he thought of their last encounter. Jensen had been so nice, had even introduced himself, but of course Jared had just stuttered like an idiot the whole time and then had once again hidden in the storage room. It was just so hard to think when Jensen smiled at him.  
  
The door opened again and Jared looked up with dread. It was around five, the same time Jensen had come in the other times and yes, there he was again. Just like the previous times he went directly for the toy mice and brought two of them to the counter.  
  
  
Jared wanted to say something witty or funny, but when Jensen smiled at him the words got stuck in his throat.  
  
“Hey Jared. How are you doing?”  
  
Jared swallowed and managed a “good, how are you?” in return.  
  
Jensen smiled so wide the corners of his eyes crinkled slightly. “Now I’m good,” he said with an emphasis on the now and Jared thought it was weird that buying mice should make him so happy, but maybe he really loved his cat.  
  
So he just nodded and gave Jensen his total.  
  
He thought Jensen looked slightly disappointed but that was probably just his overactive imagination, because why would he be?  
  
  
Jensen continued to return to the pet shop twice a week.  
  
Every time he bought two or three mice and every time he was nice to Jared and smiled at him. He always made little comments about his day or his cat, that were funny and witty and he always looked at Jared so expectantly, like he really wanted to start a conversation with him.  
  
Sometimes Jared even managed to stammer out a sentence or two and every time Jensen would give him this bright smile, like he was genuinely happy that Jared talked to him. Jared simultaneously looked forward and dreaded these times.  
  
Gen had noticed it, too.  
  
The first two weeks Jensen had shown up, she’d been on a field trip with her palaeontology class, but now she was back in the store, helping Jared out in the afternoons when they had more customers.  
  
The first time she had watched Jensen pay for the mice she had just stared with her mouth hanging open.  
  
After Jensen had left, she stomped over and pointed her finger accusingly at Jared. “How long has this hot piece of ass been coming in here and why didn’t you tell me about it?”  
  
“Uhm.”  
  
“Wait, is he the reason you don’t want to go out with Derrick? Because if I could tap _that_ , I wouldn’t think twice about dating someone else either!”  
  
“What? No, we’re not, I mean, he’s not...” Jared trailed off helplessly. “Nothing is going on. He just comes in to buy mice.”  
  
Gen raised her eyebrows. “Mice?”  
  
“Yes. You know, the little toy mice for cats?”  
  
“Uh-huh. And how many times has he come in here, buying toy mice?”  
  
“This was the fifth time,” Jared told her.  
  
“I see. And you don’t think it’s weird that he buys that many mice?”  
  
Jared looked at her in confusion. “What do you mean? Maybe his cat likes them a lot. Or he donates them as gifts to the animal shelter or something. I’m sure he isn’t doing anything weird with them.”  
  
Gen shook her head disbelievingly. “Jared, you can’t possibly be this dense. I mean, you must realize that this guy is only coming in here because of you!”  
  
“Me?” Jared asked.  
  
“Yes, you! Although I don’t know why he’s going with the whole mice charade, one word from that mouth and everybody would drop their pants immediately.”  
  
Jared shook his head. “It’s not like that, Gen. He’s nice to me, but that’s because he’s a nice guy.”  
  
Gen’s raised eyebrows and pursed lips were speaking volumes of what she thought of that, but thankfully she dropped it.  
  
Jared really didn’t want to go into an in-depth analysis as to why someone like Jensen would never want someone like Jared. It was depressing enough as it was and he feared the whole sports metaphor would probably fall short with her. He wasn’t even sure that she knew what Curling was.  
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
Jensen was going crazy.  
  
He didn’t even know why he cared so much, Jared was a good-looking guy, sure (okay, he was more than that, he was goddamn beautiful) but there were a lot of good-looking guys out there and he hadn’t even really talked to Jared yet, but there was just something about this kid...  
  
Thankfully Misha kept ripping up the mice, so he could go back to the pet store. He was slowly starting to think he’d lost his mojo. Usually it didn’t take him this long to pick up a guy.  
  
“And it’s not arrogance if it’s true,” he told Misha and god how pathetic was that, talking to his baby sister’s cat? He took another sip of his beer.  
  
“It’s just, I _know_ he likes me.”  
  
Misha cocked his head.  
  
“What, you don’t believe me? The first time I walked in there he was staring at my ass. And at my mouth!”  
  
The cat stretched, completely unimpressed.  
  
“And he told me he likes my name.”  
  
Misha started licking his privates.  
  
“Still not convinced? Okay, so listen up, because here’s the kicker!”  
  
Misha continued to lick himself.  
  
“He blushes! Every fucking time I talk to him, he blushes!”  
  
That got the cat’s attention. He walked over to the couch and with one precise jump he landed directly in Jensen’s lap, stretching himself out on his back, presenting his stomach in a way that clearly said, “Dude, I _so_ don’t care about your pathetic non-love life, now stroke my belly!”  
  
Jensen guessed that’s what he got for talking to a cat.  
  
He started moving his fingers through the soft fur on Misha’s belly and decided he was done pining. Tomorrow he would ask Jared out pointblank.  
  
And if there was a reason why Jared didn’t flirt back, if he had a boyfriend or was a criminal on the run or maybe rather in witness-protection, then at least he would know and could move on. Because the lack of a relationship? Look where that got him.  
  
He looked down on Misha who had started clawing his way through Jensen’s jeans. Yeah, that’s exactly where it got him.  
  
  
  
The next day his plan of asking Jared out was thwarted by his busy schedule. He didn’t get out of the practice until 8:30 and he cursed Jim and his two-days-a-week-open-until-eight policy.  
  
Surprisingly Misha hadn’t destroyed any of his clothes or furniture in his absence even though there were no more mice to kill and as a reward Jensen gave him some of his dinner.  
  
Misha seemed to enjoy the Chinese chicken immensely and Jensen and the cat spent a peaceful evening on the couch, watching crime shows.  
  
Jensen should have known better than to let himself be lulled into a false sense of security and the next morning he found pieces of his bath towel spread all throughout his apartment.  
  
Misha just looked it him innocently from where he was perching on the back of the couch and Jensen sighed.  
  
Thank god he had his last patient today at six, so nothing would stand in the way of a visit to the pet store.  
  
  
  
When Jensen made his way to the cash register, three mice in hand, he stopped short. Instead of tall, brunette and handsome he found short, brunette and yeah okay maybe handsome, but _female_ behind the counter.  
  
He looked around the store but he couldn’t see Jared anywhere.  
  
Damn.  
  
He guessed it made sense that Jared wouldn’t always work late, he had just never thought about it.  
  
“Can I help you, Sir?” the tiny brunette asked him.  
  
When he stepped closer he could see that her name-tag read Genevieve. Huh. So many possibilities... if he was straight.  
  
“Thank you. But I found what I was looking for,” he said and put the mice on the counter. He would just have to try again next week.  
  
“You sure about that?”  
  
Or not. Jensen looked up and Genevieve was looking back at him with knowing smile.  
  
“I’m not sure I know what you mean,” he answered, just in case he read this wrong.  
  
“Really?” she asked, amusement clear in her voice. “Then the sole reason you come in here two times a week is to buy mice and not, oh let’s say, a very tall, very cute guy who happens to be working here?”  
  
Aha. Fag hag on the look-out. He put on his most charming, non-threatening smile.  
  
“Well, my cat does have a very high rate of consumption. But you’re right, it does help that your very attractive colleague is working here most of the time.”  
  
Genevieve pursed her lips. “Thought so.”  
  
Jensen smiled again. “The thing is, I’m not sure if he’s available, or even interested. You wouldn’t know, by any chance...” Jensen trailed off and gave her his most hopeful and earnest expression.  
  
She narrowed her eyes at him. “Don’t try to play me, hot-shot, arrogant guys like you don’t stand a chance with Jared. He is very special and not just hook-up material. He is the commitment kind of guy.”  
  
Jensen raised his hands placatingly. “Whoa, don’t worry, I’m not trying to run a game here. I just want to get to know him.”  
  
“Well, as you can imagine, there a quite a few guys who come in here, trying to hit on Jared,” she told him, looking haughtily at him.  
  
“Now Jared, like I said before, is very special and also a little bit shy. I can’t just let any guy hit on him. So if you want a shot, you’ll have to go through me. You have one minute.”  
  
“One minute for what?” Jensen asked confused.  
  
Genevieve looked at him smugly. “To convince me why you’re worthy of dating him.”  
  
“What is this, the Bachelor?”  
  
She just grinned. “Clock's ticking.”  
  
Jensen huffed out a breath. “Fine. I’m twenty-eight years old, which means I have my hard partying years behind me but I’m still young enough to have fun. I work as a physical therapist, because I like to help people, but I also want to have a social life, something I wouldn’t have if I had become a doctor. I have a regular income and my own apartment. I have an older brother and a younger sister and since my parents retired and started traveling I’m looking after my sister’s cat. My last relationship didn’t last long and I’m looking for something steady now. I play the guitar, I can sing and I like to cook. I’m addicted to coffee, but I don’t smoke and the last time I was really drunk was almost a year ago. I can be a finicky bastard, but I’d do anything to make my boyfriend happy.”  
  
“Top or bottom?”  
  
Jensen sputtered. “Excuse me?”  
  
“Sorry. I just wanted to see if something could fluster you. And don’t worry, I know exactly what you are,” Genevieve laughed and winked at him.  
  
Jensen couldn’t resist. “Really? And what is that?”  
  
“A guy who is so smitten with the cute pet-store employee that he will come back tomorrow between nine and six.”  
  
  
  
Jensen wanted to scream in frustration. Of course he had two additional appointments since yesterday which meant he wouldn’t be done until seven.  
  
He had no idea what Genevieve would do if he didn’t show up today, had no idea how much pull she really had with Jared, but he didn’t want to risk it.  
  
So at 5:56 he sprinted out of his office, told Mrs. Jennings that he would be with her in just a few minutes and dashed out of the practice under the confused looks of staff and patients.  
  
He made it to the pet-store in a record time of two minutes and almost crashed into the door.  
  
When he entered the store, he was panting heavily, but Jared was still there. He was talking to his colleague behind the counter and when they looked up she looked smug and Jared looked stunned.  
  
Jensen took a look at his watch and shit. Of course his next appointment had to be Mrs. Jennings. If he would keep her waiting, he would never hear the end of.  
  
He had to make this count.  
  
When he reached the counter, Genevieve had disappeared off to somewhere and Jared was watching him slightly apprehensive.  
  
“Hi.” God, he needed to think of a better opening line.  
  
“Uhm, hi. Do you n-need more mice?”  
  
“No. Actually I bought some yesterday, but you weren’t here, so I had to come back today.”  
  
Jared’s nose scrunched up adorably. “I don’t understand.”  
  
Jensen drew in a deep breath. Time to roll the dice. “Well, Jared, it’s like this. I really like you and I’d like to get to know you better.”  
  
When Jared didn’t reply, Jensen got worried.  
  
“I’d like to take you out on a date,” he said, just to be sure. “If you’d like.”  
  
Jared still wasn’t saying anything, just gaping at him and another look at his watch told him his time was up.  
  
“Alright, sorry to cut this short, but I need to get back to work. Usually I would try longer to convince you to go out with me, but my boss is gonna have my head, if I’m not back two minutes ago, so-”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Yes,” Jared breathed out. “I’d like to go out with you.”  
  
Jensen could feel himself smiling fit to burst. “Great. How about that little Italian place right around the corner? Tomorrow at seven?”  
  
Jared smiled back at him and he could finally see the dimples in their full glory. He wanted to lick them.  
  
“Yes. Seven,” Jared nodded.  
  
“Awesome. See you then!”  
  
Jensen knew that this hadn’t been his most classy asking-out ever, but time was running and he needed to get back to work. He threw Jared another smile and jogged out of the store.  
  
He was five minutes late for Mrs. Jennings’ appointment and Jim’s look promised fire and brimstone, but he didn’t care, because he had a date with Jared.  
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
“You have a date!” Gen exclaimed happily.  
  
“I have a date.”  
  
Jared still couldn’t believe it. Jensen had asked him out. The most perfect guy in the universe had asked him out. Oh god, how could Jared go on a date with the most perfect guy in the universe? He would horribly embarrass himself!  
  
“Jared, why do you look like you just swallowed a pack of larvae snacks?”  
  
“I can’t go on a date with him, what am I thinking?” Jared felt the panic rising in his chest.  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Well, look at him and then look at me!”  
  
Gen rolled her eyes. “Okay first of all, he asked you out so he clearly liked what he saw. Secondly, yes your clothing style could be better, but that is a problem solvable with three hours of your time, money and my help.”  
  
“What are you talking about?”  
  
“Shopping, Jay. I’m talking about shopping!” she said with a slightly manic gleam in her eyes.  
  
Crap.  
  
  
  
On Saturday, Gen came over with a bottle of sparkling wine and after drinking two glasses each, she made Jared model almost his entire closet.  
  
To his surprise he had a lot of fun, the sparkling wine warming his stomach and buzzing pleasantly through his body. It felt good to hang out with a friend again, when he’d been with Jeff, he didn’t have a lot of time for his friends and most of his few friendships had petered out.  
  
  
When he was done Gen declared it not to be a total disaster, there were actually a couple of shirts he was allowed to wear, but apparently he was wearing the wrong style of jeans and twenty minutes later they arrived in a small and crammed clothing store Gen swore up and down sold the best jeans for a bargain.  
  
Gen and the saleswomen were apparently old friends if the cooing and the kissing on the cheeks was any indication and within five minutes and without listening to a word he said, they had ushered him into the fitting room, arms full with several pairs of pants.  
  
He tried on all of them. They were way tighter than the pants he usually wore and he felt slightly exposed in them.  
  
Jeff had told him often enough he should wear looser pants, because his butt was just too big for tight pants, but Gen and Danneel – the saleswoman; call me Dani, honey – seemed to disagree. Maybe he had lost some wight since the break-up.  
  
  
“My god, you could bounce a nickel of that butt!” Danneel exclaimed incredulously.  
  
“I know, right? Such a cute little bubble butt!” Gen agreed.  
  
Jared felt his cheeks heat up and he wanted nothing more than to go back into the dressing room and hide from these two crazy creatures masking as human beings.  
  
“Seriously, Jay, he won’t know what hit him,” Gen tried to soothe him.  
  
“Oh, first date? Let me tell you honey, with those pants a second one is guaranteed!”  
  
“Right?” Gen asked. “But I still think we could do better.”  
  
“Yes, me too. There is just so much potential with a body like that.” Danneel tapped her chin thoughtfully. “You know what we need though?”  
  
“What?” Gen asked and Jared dreaded the answer.  
  
“Bubbly!” Danneel exclaimed and Gen applauded.  
  
Somehow Jared thought this wasn’t going to end well for him.  
  
  
  
  
“... and then I told him, well baby, if _this_ is all you got, we ain’t going nowhere tonight!”  
  
Gen and Jared doubled over in laughter and Jared felt tears pool in his eyes. Dani was just too funny!  
  
“Oh, my god, you did not!” Gen said when she got herself a little more under control.  
  
Dani emptied the second bottle into their glasses and smirked. “Oh yes, I did. He stumbled out of the bathroom two minutes later, his pants still open, but his dick wasn’t hanging out because, you know-”  
  
“There wasn’t enough of it to hang out!” Gen yelled and the two women cackled and clinked their glasses.  
  
“Alright, your turn, Jay!”  
  
They turned to Jared and looked at him with an expectant and slightly drunk expressions.  
  
Jared smiled back at them and thought he should really do this more often. He even had a funny story to tell.  
  
“Well, this one time two guys came into the pet-store, looking for a gerbil.”  
  
Gen started to giggle and Dani’s eyes widened. “Oh no, they _didn’t_.”  
  
Jared grinned and nodded. “Oh yes, they _did_.”  
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
Jensen was looking dismayed at the huge coffee stain on his favorite pair of jeans.  
  
His other pants were either in the wash or too ripped for a first date and since he wore scrubs at work he didn’t own that many pants anymore. He sighed and grabbed his keys.  
  
He shot Misha a warning look and headed out the door.  
  
Dani needed to save him.  
  
  
  
Jensen entered Dani's little store to the the sounds of raucous laughter.  
  
He could make out Danneel's bright ripples of laughter, another woman’s laugh and – that was weird. The other laughter was a deep booming sound, something he’d heard before.  
  
He rounded the corner and what he saw took his breath away.  
  
  
Jared was sitting on one of Dani's tiny stools, long legs wrapped around it, cheeks flushed and eyes sparkling, grinning so wide it was giving him the most adorable dimples ever.  
  
It was such a change from his shy demeanor in the pet store and Jensen was instantly enthralled.  
  
Danneel and the other girl from the pet store were sitting with him and both of them were laughing hysterically.  
  
“I can’t believe they offered to pay you!” Danneel panted out, wiping a tear from her eyes.  
  
“Well, according to them I was “uniquely qualified” to handle the animal,” Jared explained.  
  
“Yeah and where was I when that happened?” Genevieve asked with a pout even though she was still laughing.  
  
Jared just grinned at her. “You were probably off somewhere in the desert, digging up dinosaurs.”  
  
“I’m always gone when the good stuff happens, no fair!”  
  
”Enough with the pouting, I need to know what happened next,” Dani ordered. She leaned forward. “What did you tell them, Jay?”  
  
“Well,” Jared started but then he looked up and when he spotted Jensen his expression changed from relaxed to deer-caught-in-the-headlights immediately.  
  
Dani looked around to see what had startled Jared and jumped up from her seat. “Jenny!” she greeted him and when she reached him and embraced him with way more sway than usual he could smell the alcohol on her breath.  
  
“Really, Dani? Plying your customers with alcohol?”  
  
“Customers? What customers? That’s Gen, my oldest and bestest friend from high-school and that strapping young man his her colleague.”  
  
When she saw the smile Jensen shot Jared, she put a finger against his chest. “No. No-ho. I’m very sorry, but Jared here already has a date. You’ll have to wait in line. Although that might be a long wait because from what I hear his date is just _dreamy_.”  
  
Dani clearly didn’t see Gen waving frantically to get her attention and shaking her head, while Jared had gone completely pale.  
  
“Okay, first of all, how much bubble did you have? And secondly, I know that Jared has a date tonight.”  
  
At Dani's surprised expression he mock-pouted. “What, you don’t think I’m dreamy?”  
  
Dani closed her mouth and shot Jared and apologetic look. “Sorry,” she whispered to him and Jared gave her a curt nod before looking everywhere but Jensen. Gen was alternatively shooting daggers at an oblivious Dani and looking worriedly at Jared.  
  
If Jared was as shy as Jensen thought he was, it was no wonder he was embarrassed now.  
  
“Dani, why don’t you get me a glass,” he asked her and Dani hurried off mumbling about the ill effects of the bubbly under her breath.  
  
Jensen walked over to Jared and sat down across from him.  
  
“Hi,” and seriously what was it about that kid that he couldn’t think of a better greeting?  
  
Jared looked up at him with wide eyes. “Hi,” he mumbled back.  
  
“Sorry about Dani. She and the bubbly, not a good combination.”  
  
Jared gave him a small smile.  
  
“I think I’m gonna help Dani,” Gen announced and walked off in search of Danneel.  
  
Jared looked after her in panic, clearly uncomfortable at suddenly being alone with Jensen. Shit. He needed to do something to make Jared relax.  
  
“So, I came looking for a pair of new pants, because I didn’t want you to see me like this and look what happened.” He grinned sheepishly at Jared and the panic in the younger man’s eyes lessened a bit.  
  
“So, let me guess. Genevieve dragged you here to buy you new clothes and then Dani got out the booze.”  
  
Jared nodded. “I have no idea how it happened, I swear,” he said and Jensen couldn’t help but chuckle.  
  
“Yeah, Dani is a force of nature. You’ll get used to it though. Just remember to go easy on the stuff otherwise she’ll have you lying under the table in no time.”  
  
Jensen thought back to the one time he had actually tried to match Dani glass for glass. He felt his mouth pull down at the memory. That had not been a good night. And not a good morning. Actually the whole next day had been shitty.  
  
“Yes, I- I know. I’ll be more careful in the future,” Jared stuttered.  
  
“What? Oh yeah, friendly piece of advice: never drink the bubbly with Dani. I can’t end well.”  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Jared swallowed.  
  
How could he be so stupid? Of course Jensen wouldn’t like him getting drunk in a clothing store in the afternoon. After all Jeff had told him often enough how ridiculous he behaved when he was drunk. And Jared knew exactly what friendly piece of advice meant. Jensen had used a different tone than Jeff, but the meaning was clear.  
  
Now Jensen would get up and tell him their date was off. Jared tried not to cry. It had been too good to be true anyway.  
  
“Jared, are you okay?” Jensen asked and when Jared raised his head he was looking into a pair of concerned green eyes. “How much did you drink?”  
  
“Just three glasses, I swear,” he somehow managed to get out. He didn’t even feel tipsy anymore, it was all wiped away by the fear. “Dani and Gen drank most of it,” he tried to assure Jensen.  
  
“Hey, don’t worry about it. This stuff goes to your head faster than anything.”  
  
Was Jensen smiling at him?  
  
“You might want to drink some water, just in case though,” Jensen said and yes he was definitely smiling at him.  
  
“You’re not mad?” Jared asked before he could stop himself. Crap. That was never a good question to ask.  
  
Jensen just looked at him confused and asked, “Why would I be mad?”  
  
Before Jared could think of an answer that wouldn’t make it worse, Gen and Dani came back.  
  
“There you go, hun,” Dani said and handed Jensen a glass.  
  
Jared took the chance to shoot Gen a panicked look and apparently she understood, because she took Jared’s arm and pulled him up.  
  
“Dani, I’m so sorry we have to cut this short, but Jared and I need to go.”  
  
“What?” Dani shot thwm a surprised glance but after one look at Jared and understanding dawned on her. “Yeah, sure. Just give me a call sometime this week and we’ll do lunch.”  
  
The two women hugged and then Dani turned around and hugged Jared too. He was slightly surprised but it felt really nice. He hadn’t gotten a lot of physical contact lately.  
  
“I’m sorry about before,” Dani whispered into his ear. “But don’t worry, Jensen is a good guy.”  
  
Jared smiled at her gratefully and then he looked at Jensen.  
  
He was smiling at Jared. “I’ll see you later?”  
  
Jared didn’t know why Jensen was phrasing it like a question, there was no way he could say no to him, but he nodded anyway.  
  
“Great, I’m really looking forward to it!”  
  
Jared had time for one more nod and then Gen dragged him out of the stuffed little store, bags in hand and stomach clenching with worry and anticipation.  
  
  
  
  
Jared was nervous. Gut churning, sweaty palms nervous.  
  
If he thought about it, then this was his first real date.  
  
Even with Jeff he’d never really been on a date. By the time they went out for dinner they’d already been together for a month, so Jared had no idea how to do this.  
  
Gen had tried to calm him down and given him all kinds of tips, but standing in front of the restaurant he couldn’t remember a single one of them.  
  
He was wearing his new pants and he couldn’t help but fidget every few seconds. They were really tight. At least Gen had allowed him to wear an old black button down, so he was semi-comfortable.  
  
He looked nervously at his watch.  
  
Gen had told him he should be fashionably late, but Jared remembered how much Jeff had hated him being late and so he had managed to shoo her out of his apartment by 6:35.  
  
Now it was 7:05 and he had been staring at the restaurant for at least three minutes, but he couldn’t move, because Jensen was in there. He was sitting at a table by the window, waiting for Jared and he looked so perfect Jared wanted to run back home and hide under his comforter.  
  
 _He asked you out so he clearly liked what he saw._  
  
Jared tried to draw comfort from Gen's words, squared his shoulders and went inside. After all, one evening with Jensen was better than nothing.


	2. Chapter 2

“So, I had a good time.”  
  
Unbelievable. Even after a whole evening with Jared he still talked in unoriginal clichés. But it was true. He did have a good time.  
  
Sure, Jared was shy and a little quiet, but he’d expected that. So he had taken the lead in the conversation and Jared had turned out to be a great listener, giving him his full attention and asking intelligent questions.  
  
When their food arrived there had been a slight lull in the conversation, but then he had finally gotten Jared to talk, mainly about his job and Gen, the girl who worked with him, but Jensen figured it was a start.  
  
Jared was well spoken and smart and he had a talent for telling funny stories. He had refused to tell the story that had made Dani laugh so much the other day – he had started to stammer and blush adorably – but after a little bit of coaxing he had told him about other hilarious episodes with his customers. It had almost been as if Jared had forgotten to be shy after a while.  
  
Jensen didn’t know if Jared generally just needed time to warm up to people or if he was just shy around guys he liked – the way he had talked with Dani and Gen and then had clammed up when Jensen showed up definitely lent credit to that theory.  
  
Jensen didn’t know for sure and right now he didn’t care because Jared was smiling softly at him, slightly ducking his head.  
  
“Me too,” he almost whispered.  
  
“We should do this again sometime,” Jensen said and Jared nodded.  
  
There was nothing left to say really, only the inevitable goodbye.  
  
Jensen had thought about it, how he should play this, because Jared was so obviously, painfully shy, but now he was standing here, directly in front of him, all soft eyes and smiling lips and Jensen couldn’t help himself.  
  
He stepped forwards, tilted his head and then his lips brushed against Jared’s.  
  
He could feel the younger man’s shock, but he didn’t move away, so Jensen brought his hand up to Jared’s face, stroking his thumb along his cheekbone as he gently started to move his lips against Jared’s.  
  
His response was slow and tentative, but so damn sweet and Jensen wanted more but he was afraid he’d already gone too far. He reluctantly pulled back and smiled at Jared’s stunned expression.  
  
“Yeah, me too,” he said, his voice hoarse in his ears.  
  
Jared’s tongue came out of his mouth and swept across his bottom lip and Jensen needed to leave right the fuck now.  
  
“Goodnight, Jared.”  
  
  
It was only when he’d gotten home, furiously jerked off in the shower thinking of Jared and how soft his lips felt, and Misha had once again commandeered the second pillow in his bed, obnoxiously purring into his ear, that he realized he hadn’t even asked Jared for his phone number.  
  
Thank god he knew where Jared worked. He would just go over there on Monday in his lunch break, get Jared’s number, and a second date. Maybe he could even spend his break with him if they took it at the same time.  
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
Gen called him on Sunday evening, asking how the date had gone.  
  
Jared couldn’t help but smile at the memories. “Good. It was really god.”  
  
“Well, I want details!” Gen exclaimed. “What did you guys talk about, was the food good, did he pay or did you split the bill? Did he walk you home? Ohmygod did you kiss? When are you going to see each other again?”  
  
Jared laughed and when Gen finally stopped to breathe he told her. “We talked about lots of stuff, mostly Jensen talked about his job and his family, but we also talked a bit about his college time. The food was really good and he actually insisted on paying. He walked me home and then-”  
  
“Then what?” Gen asked breathlessly.  
  
”He kissed me,” Jared said, wonder still in his voice. Even now he had a hard time believing it.  
  
“Oh come on, don’t make me beg. How was it?”  
  
Jared sighed. “It was perfect. I couldn’t have asked for a better ending.”  
  
“That’s great, Jay, I’m so happy for you! Now, when are you going to meet again?”  
  
Jared felt his heart ache a little bit at that. He knew it had been stupid to get his hopes up, but Jensen had been so _nice_ -  
  
“Jared, you still there?” Gen asked and Jared nodded even though she couldn’t see him.  
  
“Yeah. Uhm, I don’t think I’ll see him again.”  
  
There was a short pause, before Gen asked, “And why not?”  
  
“Well,” Jared said, “he said that we should meet again, but he didn’t set a date and he didn’t ask me for my number, so I figured that’s it.”  
  
Jared tried to blink back the tears. He _hated_ that he cried so easily.  
  
“Okay, well that doesn’t mean anything. I mean he knows where you work, so maybe he’s just gonna stop by again.”  
  
“Thanks for saying that, but it’s better not to get my hopes up. I mean, it was a miracle he wanted to go out with me in the first place, so I’ll just be happy about this.”  
  
Gen drew in a deep breath. “Alright Jared, I want you to listen to me very closely. You’re an amazing person. You’re kind, and smart, and funny, not to mention hot, and you deserve the most amazing boyfriend ever. Now I don’t know who messed with your head like that, but you deserve happiness. And you deserve Jensen, okay?!”  
  
Jared was glad that Gen couldn’t see his sad smile right now. He was thankful for her kind words, it wasn’t even the first time he had heard them.   
  
Sam had told him pretty much the same after Jeff had broken up with him and he had ended up sleeping on Sam’s couch because he didn’t have anywhere else to go, but Jared knew that reality was a whole different game.  
  
So he just gave Gen a noncommittal answered and promised to give her more details on Monday.  
  
When he hung up, he sat on his couch and looked around his little apartment. He really needed to clean up and the dishes from the weekend were piling up in the sink. With a sigh he got up and walked over to the small kitchenette.   
  
Just another normal Sunday. At least he could escape into his daydreams of a better life with Jensen while doing his chores.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
When Jensen stumbled out of the coffee shop on Monday morning he looked over to the pet store. He knew that Jared was already inside stocking the shelves, and he debated going over and saying hi, but a quick look at his watch told him he couldn’t really afford it and he headed to the practice. Hopefully he’d have a long lunch break today.  
  
Aldis was sitting at the reception, going over something on the computer when Jensen came in. He looked up at Jensen and nodded and Jensen smiled back at him, added a good morning, and went into his office.  
  
He had just put his bag into the big drawer under his desk and changed into his scrub pants when someone knocked at the door and a second later Aldis came in.  
  
“Spill,” he ordered and Jensen looked at him in confusion.  
  
“What?”  
  
“You’ve been acting weird for weeks man, you’re way more chipper than usual, and this morning you say actual words to me before you’re done with your coffee? Something is up and I wanna know!”  
  
The door opened further and Alona, the head nurse, poked her head in. “Yeah, me too. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’re in love!”  
  
Jensen felt the heat creep up his cheeks and shit he hadn’t blushed in years, but now he did and he rubbed his neck in embarrassment.  
  
“Oh my god, you are!” Aldis exclaimed.  
  
“I might have met someone,” Jensen hedged, but he held up his hand when Alona and Katie started squealing. Apparently the whole practice had gathered at his door.  
  
“Alright, calm down people. It’s all very early, only one date so far, so just, you know. Stay calm.”  
  
Alona beamed at him. “But this is exciting! We haven’t had an office romance in months!”  
  
Aldis raised his eyebrows at her. “I thought the people need to work together for it to be an office romance.”  
  
Alona just shrugged. “Desperate times, my dear Aldis.”  
  
At that moment Mike showed up. “Is it somebody’s birthday and where is the cake?”  
  
Jensen tried to stop the train wreck unfolding before his eyes, but it was in vain. Aldis and Alona wasted no time in cluing Mike in to the current status of his love life, and the whole affair only came to an end when Jim showed up to inquire why his staff wasn’t working when there were three patients in the waiting area.  
  
Aldis hurried back behind the reception, Katie collected the first patient for surgery, and Mike went off to prepare the happy juice. Everybody else called it anesthesia, but Mike always had a special way of doing things.  
  
Jensen went out to greet Tyler Johnston, his first patient of the day. He didn’t miss the knowing grin Jim shot him, but he chose to ignore it.  
  
He really enjoyed working at Jim’s practice, but his staff was just so damn meddlesome!  
  
  
Fortuna was definitely smiling on Jensen because his pre-lunch appointment canceled which gave him an unexpected hour more to go see Jared.  
  
Jim told him he could use the hour to catch up on his paperwork – Jensen was a real slacker when it came to anything insurance related – but Jensen told him he’d rather work late.  
  
He got another knowing grin and several heads poked out of various office doors to see him off, but Jensen just raised his hand and showed them the finger without looking back.  
  
He decided to get a coffee before he went to see Jared and the guy behind the counter – his name was Justin and he was the same guy who gave him his coffee in the morning – raised his eyebrows at him.  
  
“Well,” he drawled when Jensen stepped up to the counter, “now I finally know what you look like when you’re awake.”  
  
“Very funny,” Jensen shot back. “It’s not like I don’t tip you enough as an excuse.”  
  
“True that. What can I do for you at this unusual hour?”  
  
“I’ll have a tall latte and – do you have some kind of chocolate syrup or something?”  
  
“Sure,” Justin replied. “We also have chocolate sprinkles and chocolate sauce.”  
  
Jensen thought back to how Jared’s face had lit up when they had shared a piece of Devil’s Food cake. “Good. Then put all that into another tall latte.”  
  
Justin’s eyebrows disappeared up under his fringe. “Wow, somebody sure as a thing for chocolate.”  
  
Jensen couldn’t help but grin like an idiot. “I think he does,” he told Justin who grinned back at him.   
  
“Oh, it’s like that huh?”  
  
Jensen couldn’t stop his grin from widening, because yeah, it _was_ like that and Justin shot him a wink before he passed his order on to the barista.  
  
She was a cute girl and when she handed him the coffees she whispered a good luck to him before she turned back to the coffee machine.  
  
Jensen thanked her an walked out of the coffee shop. Rationally he knew that the floor and the street were still of the same texture they had been before, but somehow he still felt like he was walking on clouds.  
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
The new dog collars looked ridiculous.  
  
Jared didn’t know why Sam had ordered them, no one who really loved a dog would force them into a pink collar with little fake diamonds on it. Besides, the leather had a really harsh feel to it and looked to be poorly manufactured. Sam probably hadn’t known before, Jared would just call her tonight and tell her.  
  
Jared turned around and promptly slammed into someone.  
  
He stumbled a step back and fell over the crate still standing before the shelves. He managed to save himself from crushing into the shelf by stretching out his arms and somehow, miraculously, he didn’t hit his head he just landed flat on his ass.  
  
When he looked up, the humiliation already spreading through him was joined by pure terror.  
  
Jensen was standing before him, cursing a blue streak and trying to get his shirt away from his body.  
  
In his shock it took Jared a second to realize that Jensen was holding two cups from Bean Fix in his hands and that his blue scrub shirt had a huge brown spot on the front.  
  
Oh no. No no nonono.  
  
“Oh god, I’m so sorry!” Jared scrambled to his feet as fast as he could. “I’m sooo sorry, please, don’t be mad, I can, I mean you can-”  
  
Jensen suddenly looked up to him. “What? Oh, no, it was my fault, I shouldn’t have stepped so close behind you, stupid really, it’s just so fucking hot! Are you alright?”  
  
Jared nodded, of course he was fine, he hurt himself more on a daily basis, before he realized what else Jensen had said. Right, hot coffee. Problem-solving mode, not panic-mode, Jared berated himself and ushered Jensen to the back.  
  
“Sorry, just follow me, there’s a bathroom back there and you can wash the coffee off. And I can totally wash that shirt for you or pay for the dry-cleaning, or-”  
  
At that Jensen laughed. “Shit Jared, don’t worry about it. I have a special coffee stain-remover at home, because all my clothes have a coffee stain on them somewhere.”  
  
They entered the storage area and when Jared opened the bathroom door for Jensen, still surprised at Jensen laughing the whole thing off, his world tilted completely upside down. Jensen pulled off his shirt. Just like that. One moment he was fully dressed and the next he was half-naked.  
  
Jared swallowed and tried unsuccessfully to tear his eyes away from Jensen’s naked back.  
  
He really shouldn’t stare like that, it was not polite to ogle people, Jared should turn around immediately, but oh dear lord, Jensen had freckles! On his back! On his beautiful, muscular, broad-shouldered, narrow-waisted back with a spine that curved just the right way, that dipped in so gracefully, and then Jensen turned on the tap and the muscled moved beneath his skin. Jared wanted to touch and lick them.  
  
He wanted to go over there and press himself against Jensen’s back, revel in the warmth of his skin, and press a kiss to every inch of his glorious body.  
  
Jared stumbled back a few steps, completely surprised by his own reaction. He had never had those intense feelings of lust for anyone. He was so caught up in it that he missed when Jensen started to talk. “...your break starts, but I don’t have to go back to the practice until two so maybe we could go grab some lunch?”  
  
Jensen turned around and Jared saw it, knew he would get caught staring again, but he just couldn’t move.  
  
“Like what you see?” Jensen smirked and Jared could feel himself blush.  
  
“Sorry,” he mumbled and looked down to the ground. He wished it would open up and swallow him whole.  
  
“Hey, don’t worry about it. I was only teasing you. It’s not as if I don’t stare at you either.”  
  
Jensen stared at him? Jared looked up and somehow Jensen had walked up to him and was standing directly in front of him, still without his shirt on.  
  
Jared fixed his eyes on Jensen’s face, completely ignoring his naked chest.  
  
“Jared, you okay?”  
  
“Y-yeah,” Jared stammered out, frantically searching for something to say. Lunch, Jensen had mentioned lunch, so it was appropriate to be hungry. “Just need to eat something.”  
  
Jensen smiled at him. “Great. What are you in the mood for?”  
  
“Uhm, I don’t know really, but I brought my lunch with me so there’s not really much of a choice anyway.”  
  
Jensen’s face fell. Jared had no idea why, but the other man looked dejected.  
  
“Well, okay then. I’m sorry, I didn’t want to disturb you or anything. It’s just, you never gave me your number and I really want to see you again...” Jensen trailed off and looked at him with a hopeful expression.  
  
Jensen wanted to see him again. And oh god, he wanted to have lunch with him and Jared had given him the completely wrong idea.  
  
“No, you’re not disturbing me, not at all. I- I’d like to see you again, too.”  
  
Jensen was smiling again and Jared never wanted him to stop.  
  
“You, uhm, we can totally have lunch together! I have my break in fifteen minutes.”  
  
“Good. That gives me enough time to get something to eat. Do you eat here or do you want to go somewhere?” Jensen asked.  
  
“I usually eat here in case the phone rings and Gen is busy with a customer,” he answered Jensen, who nodded.  
  
“Alright. Then I’ll met you back here in fifteen.”  
  
With a smile and a wink he left, pulling on his shirt as he went, muscles playing enticingly under his fair skin. Jared was left standing in the back, wondering what had just happened.  
  
He was only pulled out of his stupor when the little bell on the counter tinkled. Right, customers.  
  
  
Gen showed up at 12:25, five minutes before her shift started, and Jared was a nervous wreck.   
  
She raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow at him. “What’s going on with you? You’re hopping around like an energizer bunny with a nervous tick.”  
  
“Jensen stopped by and now we’re having lunch together.”  
  
“Ha!” Gen exclaimed. “I told you he’d stop by.”  
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
Their lunch was just as nice as their dinner. Jared was still shy and reserved, but he generally opened up to Jensen and he discovered that they had a lot in common when it came to their tastes in movies and books.  
  
When Jared had to go back to work and Jensen asked if he could come back the next day, Jared looked surprised but then he smiled so wide, Jensen was literally blinded by his dimples and nodded.  
  
  
That evening Jensen cooked a large dish of pasta with his signature tomato-Parmesan-sauce. They had a microwave at the pet store and yes, Jensen was fully aware that it wasn’t the same as cooking a real dinner for Jared, but he figured he would have to take this really slow and if he invited Jared to his place the younger man might just run off.  
  
Jensen had never put this much effort in a guy and he had never gone for someone so shy, but somehow Jared had sucked him in and wouldn’t let go.  
  
Jensen was fully aware that he was slowly – okay, maybe not so slowly – crushing on the cute pet-store employee and he was strangely okay with it.  
  
The prospect of another date with Jared made him really giddy and he didn’t even yell at Misha when he found three pages of the book he’d been reading stuffed under his pillow. The cat seemed to sense his mellow mood and jumped into bed with him.  
  
When Jensen was dozing off he thought he could feel a small furry buddy wiggle in under the blanket, but he chose to ignore it. There were worse things than a vibrating furball sharing his bed.  
  
  
Jared’s eyes grew as big as saucers when he realized that Jensen had cooked for him and he stammered adorably when he told Jensen that he didn’t have to.  
  
Jensen just waved it off. “It’s actually easier to prepare a bigger serving, and cooking is way more fun when you know you’re not going to eat alone.”  
  
They spent their time talking about food and Jensen was pleasantly surprised – once again – to find out that Jared could cook as well.  
  
When Jensen asked why Jared brought sandwiches, instead of cooking something at home and bringing it to work, Jared blushed and started to fiddle with the fork.  
  
“It’s easier that way,” he mumbled, “and cheaper.”  
  
Jensen wanted to hit himself in the face. Of course, Jared wouldn’t make a lot of money working here, and rent in this part of town was not cheap.  
  
So he nodded and tried to sound casual when he said, “I know what you mean. I think I spent my first semester at college surviving on ramen and mac and cheese, because I couldn’t find a job at first.”  
  
A shadow passed over Jared’s face, but he nodded.  
  
“Jared, are you okay?” Jensen asked. “It’s okay if you want to live economically.”  
  
“No, that’s not it. I just- never mind, it’s not important.”  
  
“Hey, no, of course it’s important. What’s wrong, baby?”  
  
Jared looked up at him with wide eyes. “It’s just that I really wanted to go to college,” he rushed out, “but I never really got a chance. Community college wasn’t really the same you know?”  
  
“Why didn’t you? Go to college I mean?” Jensen asked.  
  
Jared shrugged his shoulders. “My parents didn’t really have any money. I went to community college first and I wanted to save some money and the go to college later, but it just never worked out.”  
  
“You still can, you know. I mean, how old are you? Twenty-three? Twenty-four? That’s not too old.”  
  
Jared just gave him a small smile and nibbled on the rest of his pasta.   
  
Jensen suppressed a sigh. He would try to talk about this with Jared when he knew him better. It wasn’t that he seemed unhappy in his job, but Jared was clearly way too smart for what he was doing and the longing in his eyes when Jensen had mentioned his college time... Yeah, Jared wanted to go to college and Jensen decided then and there that he would do anything to help him.  
  
  
  
When he left the store, Gen headed him off at the door. “Don’t think I didn’t hear that, hotshot! I’m watching you.”  
  
“Excuse me?” he asked, because what the hell?  
  
Gen raised her eyebrows. “Don’t you think it’s a little early for the pet names?”  
  
“What pet names?”  
  
“I heard that you called him baby,” Gen accused him.  
  
“No, I didn’t,” Jensen told her, because it was _way_ too early for that.  
  
Her eyes widened and then her mouth split open in a grin covering her whole face. “Oh holy fossil, you didn’t realize!”   
  
She started to giggle unrestrained and leaned up on her toes to press a kiss to his cheek. “I like you, hotshot,” she whispered into his ear before she walked back to the counter.  
  
Jensen left the pet store, completely confused. There was a reason he was into guys; he just didn’t get women. He loved them with all his heart, at least some of them, but he would never figure them out. He was glad enough that he had learned to translate Dani-speak over the years.  
  
His phone started to ring before he reached the practice and he made the mistake of answering before checking the caller id. So he was still thinking of Jared, so what?  
  
This time it bit him in the ass though, because when he accepted the call he had to listen to three minutes of Steve ranting into his ear about how he was neglecting his friends and that he would better get his ass to the Dancing Raccoon tonight or else.  
  
Jensen felt slightly bad for disappearing in Jared-land for the past few weeks, so he agreed to meet Steve and Chris after work. If he was lucky there would only be minimal mocking for his crush.  
  
  
  
Jensen continued to spend his lunch breaks sitting with Jared in the storage room of the pet store. He took to cooking every evening, and even though Jared always brought his own food he never rejected Jensen’s offers.  
  
After a couple of days Jared started bringing desserts. He made the most delicious muffins and cupcakes and Jensen was in heaven. A guy who could cook _and_ bake! Jensen might be able to prepare a three course menu, but as soon as it involved mixing a batter he was completely lost.  
  
Jared finally started to open up to him, and even though he’d had a hunch that talking to Jared would be great he was still pleasantly surprised how much he enjoyed their conversations.  
  
Jared was smart and funny, he thought about the things he said, and Jensen had yet to hear him make a malicious comment. Jared was, simply put, _good_.  
  
Jensen also slowly started to realize that Jared was much more than a simple employee. When Jensen asked him about it, Jared brushed him off. He got all modest and insisted that Sam, the owner, ran the store, but over the course of the next week Jensen saw Jared placing orders, paying bills, keeping the inventory up to date, and even doing the accounting.  
  
Jared could say what he wanted; Jensen knew what he saw and what he saw was Jared running the place, not his elusive boss who was always absent.  
  
Jared explained that her husband had died not so long ago and that he just helped out a little more. Jensen sympathized with the widow, he did, but she should at least acknowledge what Jared was doing for her and pay him accordingly. He felt the need to protect Jared well up inside him and he rigorously pushed it down.  
  
They weren’t there yet but hopefully soon. If the way Jared was talking to him now was any indication, maybe sooner than he had hoped.  
  
At first he had told Jensen only stories from the pet store, about the cute kids who came into the store, the confused parents, the slightly scatterbrained delivery guy (Jensen’s words, not Jared’s), and of course about the animals themselves.  
  
One day Jared finally admitted that he really wanted to have some dogs and when Jensen asked why he didn’t have them already he answered, “Jeff didn’t want any.”  
  
At that Jensen perked up. So far Jared had never mentioned a former boyfriend.  
  
“Jeff? Was that your last boyfriend?”  
  
Jared looked at him, completely startled as if he’d just realized what he said. “Uhm, yeah.”  
  
“When did you guys date?” Jensen asked because that was probably the most harmless question he could ask, and it might also give him a chance to figure out for how long Jared had been single.  
  
“Over a year ago,” Jared answered quietly. “C-can we maybe not talk about this?” Jared asked pleadingly, the pain obvious in his face. Shit.  
  
“Yeah, sure,” Jensen agreed. “Just, can you tell me if you’re over him? Because I really like you and I think this could go somewhere, but if you’re still hung up on him...”  
  
“What? No, I’m not, I promise I’m not!” Jared was talking so fast he was almost stumbling over the words.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
“I haven’t even seen him since then!”  
  
Jared knew how testy Jeff had been about his previous boyfriend. He needed to make sure that Jensen knew he was the only one on Jared’s mind.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
“Oh, okay then. I just thought maybe, because you didn’t want to talk about him,” Jensen stopped when he saw Jared’s ashamed expression.  
  
“No. The memories just aren’t good, so I’d rather not talk about it if you don’t mind.”  
  
“No, of course not.”  
  
They sat in silence for a while, Jared picking at the remnants of his sandwich and clearly still uncomfortable. Jensen frantically tried to think of something to distract him from his bad memories.  
  
“So, if you could pick a dog, what kind would you like?”  
  
Jared’s eyes began to shine then, and he launched into an enthusiastic debate about the advantages of different dog breeds.  
  
Jensen wasn’t a dog person, not really. Hell he wasn’t even a _pet_ person, just ask Misha, but sitting there in the back of the pet-store listening to Jared talk about dogs and radiate pure joy in the process he could totally see himself owning a dog or two.  
  
It was time to ask Jared for a second date.  
  
  
They went to the movies. It was a dating cliché, but it was a cliché for a reason.  
  
Sitting in the darkened room next to Jared, shoulders brushing together and hyperaware of their proximity the whole ninety minutes, Jensen had trouble concentrating on the movie. Halfway through when Tony Stark was running around with a little kid he took Jared’s hand.   
  
The younger man looked at him surprised and a more hesitant man might have withdrawn, but Jensen just smiled at him and started to rub his thumb over Jared’s palm. If he didn’t like it he could still pull back. Only he didn’t, because he gave him a small smile, the one with only a hint of dimples, but Jensen counted it as a victory.  
  
They held hands through the rest of the movie and Jensen walked Jared home after. It wasn’t a short walk, but it wasn’t too long either. The conversation flowed freely and they laughed about Ben Kingsley’s performance and talked about superheroes in general. Jensen wasn’t a huge geek and neither was Jared, but who didn’t like comic book heroes?  
  
When they reached Jared’s building it was too soon. Jensen didn’t want their night to end.  
  
They were standing so close to each other; Jensen could feel Jared’s breath on his face. He knew he would taste like popcorn and that other unique taste Jensen couldn’t quite identify.  
  
He wanted to kiss Jared so bad it almost hurt. After almost two weeks of dancing around each other, and now ninety minutes of foreplay in a dark movie theater, Jensen was fit to burst.  
  
He took the last step slowly, giving Jared enough time to draw back if he wanted to, but he stayed where he was looking at Jensen’s lips.  
  
When they came together it was perfect.  
  
Jared’s mouth was so soft under his, so pliant, and Jensen felt lightheaded with all the want. He’d been jerking off to Jared-fantasies for the last month, and he really needed something now. And with the way Jared was just melting into his arms? Jared did too.  
  
“God, please tell me I can come upstairs with you,” he mumbled into Jared’s mouth.  
  
There was a pause and Jensen feared he’d gone too far too fast, but then Jared gave a jerky nod.  
  
“Thank fuck.” Jensen put his mouth back on Jared’s, because seriously he could not _not_ kiss him, and walked them towards the door.  
  
He didn’t know how they managed to get into the elevator or down the hall to Jared’s apartment but then they were there, finally, and Jared was fumbling with the lock while Jensen attached his lips to his neck.   
  
Shit he tasted good and the long, long column of his throat... Jensen wanted to put his mark on it, but he knew it was too early for possessive hickeys. They weren’t in high-school anymore goddammit, and you didn’t put hickeys were anyone could see, but still. He wanted to see Jared wear his mark, wanted everyone to know that this amazing man was his alone – the door finally swung open and they stumbled inside.  
  
The apartment seemed small and tidy, but really, Jensen so didn’t care right now. What he did care about was getting his mouth back on Jared’s, and maybe fewer layers between them.  
  
“We’re wearing way too many clothes,” he mumbled out between sucks on Jared’s bottom lip and the younger man immediately reacted, shrugging his over-shirt away and toeing his shoes off. Jensen followed behind and tugged his shirt off for good measure.  
  
He ran his hand along Jared’s sharp jaw-line – so pretty – and went back to kissing him.  
  
“God, you’re driving me crazy, baby. Want you-” Jensen broke off, not exactly sure what he could ask for here. He didn’t want to pressure Jared, but Jared pulled back and then just sank to his knees.  
  
Holy shit.  
  
Shaking fingers opened his pants and Jensen needed to take a deep breath, because Jared was kneeling in front of him, opening his pants and peeking up at him through the bangs falling in his face.  
  
Holy shit indeed.  
  
“Jay, baby, are you-” Jensen lost his words in a long guttural moan, because suddenly there was wet heat around his dick. When he looked down Jared had just swallowed him whole, taken him in and his tongue was doing _something_ , and after just five seconds this was already the best blowjob he'd ever gotten.  
  
Jared didn’t seem to have a gag reflex, he just took him down all the way and Jensen could actually feel him swallow around him.  
  
“Oh fuck.”  
  
He buried his hands in Jared’s hair and yes, still so freaking soft.  
  
It took all his self-control to not just push in deeper and fuck that beautiful mouth, but that was just bad manners and this would be over much too fast as it was.  
  
Thankfully Jared changed the tempo, going slower, moving his tongue more elaborately, doing something to the head of his dick, and it was so good Jensen’s knees wanted to give out. He couldn’t decide if he wanted to drag this out or come right the fuck now.  
  
Jared took the decision right out of his hands when he swallowed him down again and it was game over.  
  
“Jay, so good, gonna come, gonna-”  
  
But Jared didn’t pull back. He just sucked harder, hands coming up to massage Jensen’s balls and he came hard, orgasm rushing through him like a freight train on speed, spilling deep into Jared’s mouth.  
  
When his eyes could focus on Jared’s face again, he was just licking his lips, spit making them shiny in the apartment’s dim light – Jensen just realized they hadn’t even turned on the light, only the city lights spilling in from outside were illuminating Jared’s place – and he hauled Jared up and kissed him.  
  
Jared made a hmpfing sound and Jensen just kissed him harder, before letting go and taking in their surroundings. His knees would definitely not appreciate the floor treatment. Besides, he wanted Jared spread out and writhing under him.  
  
“Bedroom,” he pressed out and Jared just looked at him with wide eyes, before leading him to a door in the back.  
  
The bedroom was as small as the rest of the apartment, but Jensen didn’t care because there was an actual bed in it and he pushed Jared back on it before he shucked his pants off and crawled on top of Jared’s body.  
  
They kissed some more and then Jensen finally took the younger man’s clothes off. Jared turned his head away and suddenly went tense. Jensen stopped immediately.  
  
“Hey, you okay?” He didn’t think he was going too fast, after all Jared had just sucked him off better than a porn star, but he needed to make sure.  
  
Jared just nodded though. “Yeah, I- I’m okay.”  
  
Jensen stroked his thumb along Jared’s cheek. “Good.”  
  
He took the rest of Jared’s clothes off and yeah, he was still looking away, his shyness coming out full force, so Jensen pressed little butterfly kisses all over his body and told him how beautiful he was.  
  
Because yes, Jared was hot as fuck. Broad shoulders with lean muscles that came from heavy work-related lifting, a narrow waist with the most tantalizing hip bones – so Jensen had a thing for hipbones, so what? At least he could say with years of expertise that Jared’s hipbones were definitely the most beautiful he had ever seen – and he spent a long time just kissing and nibbling on them, but with the way Jared was writhing under him he didn’t seem to mind. Yeah, Jensen and Jared’s hipbones were an excellent fit.  
  
When he finally got to pulling Jared’s boxers off he wasn’t disappointed. Jared’s cock was just as pretty as the rest of him, and he heard his lover’s breath hitch before he licked along the underside and then sucked on the head.  
  
Jared let out a loud moan and arched off the bed. His dick pushed in deeper and Jensen was so surprised he almost choked.  
  
“Oh god, I’m so sorry, please, I didn’t mean-”  
  
Jensen interrupted Jared’s stuttering by sucking on his dick again. He put a hand on Jared’s hipbone and shushed him. “It’s okay, baby, nothing happened.”  
  
And then he proceeded to suck Jared’s brains out.  
  
The younger man was writhing, his hips were moving with tiny jerks barely able to control himself, and the most beautiful breathless moans were falling from his lips.  
  
Jensen felt himself harden again, because seeing Jared fall apart like that went straight to his dick.  
  
He slowly let one of his hands trail behind Jared’s balls. He didn’t want to fuck him tonight – well he did, but it was still too soon for that – but there were other things he could do.  
  
When he pressed his finger against Jared’s hole the younger man tensed and not in the good way.  
  
Jensen immediately pulled his hand back and pulled off of Jared’s dick to look at him.  
  
“Hey, relax. I’m not gonna do anything you don’t want me to, okay?”  
  
Jared just stared at him, breathing hard and cheeks flushed, apparently unable to form a coherent sentence and Jensen just grinned and went back to work.  
  
Jared’s moans were getting louder and Jensen rubbed himself against the sheets to get some friction for his aching cock.  
  
It didn’t take long to make Jared come in his mouth, body tensing all over and hands gripping the sheets tight. Jensen gripped his dick and it only took a couple of quick tugs, and staring at Jared’s fucked out body, for him to follow close behind.  
  
He needed a moment to catch his breath and then he crawled up Jared’s body and kissed him lazily. He knew it was probably too fast, but suddenly he didn’t want to leave.  
  
“Can I stay?” he asked into Jared’s neck and the younger man nodded.   
  
“Please.”  
  
“You don’t need to say please, baby,” Jensen mumbled in response, “but we should really clean up now.”  
  
“Of course,” Jared replied immediately, “the bathroom is right across the hall.”  
  
Jansen thought that hall was a little bit of an exaggeration for a space this small, but he didn’t say anything. He cleaned himself up and then found a washcloth and wet it with warm water.  
  
He hoped Jared didn’t have a problem with that, but he really wanted to take care of him.  
  
He walked back into the bedroom and held up the washcloth. “Can I?”  
  
Jared looked slightly confused at the questioning and nodded. “Of course.”  
  
Jensen smiled in answer and walked over to the bed. He kneeled down next to Jared and wiped the come off his belly. When he was done he pressed one last kiss to Jared’s hipbone and looked up in wide, surprised hazel eyes.  
  
“What? You have beautiful hipbones!”  
  
“Uhm, what?”  
  
“Well, they’re just...” Jensen trailed off. He had never needed to explain his fixation with hipbones to anyone and he felt slightly silly about it. “I just like them, okay?”  
  
“Okay,” Jared replied and in the darkness Jensen could see him smile.  
  
He threw the washcloth on the floor – they could clean up tomorrow – and scooted up on the bed. He drew Jared into his arms. It was a new experience to have someone in his arms who was actually several inches taller than him, but Jensen found he liked it. He just buried his face in the crook of Jared’s neck, gave him one last kiss, and closed his eyes.  
  
“Night, baby.”  
  
There was a silence and Jensen thought that maybe Jared had already fallen asleep, but then the younger man let out a deep breath.   
  
“Good night, Jensen.” His voice was slightly hoarse, and Jensen grinned when he slipped into sleep. He really liked making Jared sound like that.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
comments = getting cuddled by sleepy Jensen


	3. Chapter 3

 

  
Jared woke slowly. It was warm and cozy in his bed. He snuggled in deeper, pressing himself into the pillows and against a solid body.  
  
Jared flinched. Crap. He had plastered himself all over Jensen in his sleep.  
  
Jeff had complained often enough about his clingy tendencies and Jared had tried, but really, he couldn’t control what he did in his sleep.  
  
Jeff had owned a California king, so most nights Jared had somehow managed to stay away from him, but here, in his own queen it was a lost cause.  
  
It hadn’t even occurred to him last night; he had been so overwhelmed by Jensen. Thankfully Jensen was still fast asleep, so Jared could just get up and Jensen would be none the wiser.  
  
He climbed out of his bed carefully and he couldn’t help but stop and look at the man sleeping in his bed.  
  
Jensen was beautiful. There was just no other way to say it. His hair was rumpled, sticking together on the one side of his head and forming little spikes around his ear. The blanket covered half his back but left his broad shoulders exposed. He looked so strong, sure and relaxed and Jared didn’t know what this amazing man saw in him that made him want to stay.  
  
Or maybe he didn’t. Maybe he had just wanted a quick fuck, and would get up and leave, as soon as the sun had risen.  
  
Jared quietly backed out of his bedroom and took refuge in his bathroom. He splashed some water into his face and tried to stay calm.  
  
Yes, Jeff had told him often enough that he was only good enough for fucking and even that just barely, but Jensen had been nice to him for _weeks_.  
  
He had visited him in the pet store, had even cooked for him – well, he had brought his leftovers, but in Jared’s imagination he had cooked just for him.  
  
And last night... Jensen had been so amazing, so kind and caring, Jared still had a hard time believing it had really happened. Jensen hadn’t given him a single order, had said please, and been so careful.  
  
Jared had felt him holding back during the blowjob and then after, when he had led Jared to the bedroom, _he_ had blown _Jared_. It wasn’t the first blowjob he’d ever gotten, Justin, the boyfriend he’d had before Jeff, had occasionally done that but Jeff had told him very clearly how roles in a relationship worked.  
  
Jensen seemed to have different ideas though. When Jared had been so surprised by the feeling of a mouth on his dick and had shoved himself into Jensen’s mouth way too harshly, Jensen had told him it was okay. Jeff would have thrown him out of the bed.  
  
And when Jensen had brought a finger to his ass and Jared had feared that his perfect night would be tainted by actual sex, Jensen had pulled back and basically told him, they wouldn’t have sex until Jared was ready.  
  
Jared swallowed and stepped into the shower. He knew that sooner or later they would have sex, and he knew where is place was. It wasn’t that he didn’t like sex; he liked the feeling of closeness and connecting with someone and he wanted to give Jensen that pleasure, but there was really no way around the pain.  
  
But maybe it would be better with Jensen. He had been so loving last night, maybe he would be more gentle than Jeff, maybe he would-  
  
Jared shook his head in annoyance. He really shouldn’t get his hopes up like that and besides, it really had been his own fault that the sex had been so bad, Jeff had told him often enough.  
  
Jared showered quickly and tried not to think about Jeff anymore. He knew that Jeff hadn’t been a really nice guy and hadn’t treated him all that well, everyone said so, but they didn’t know that Jared had been lucky enough to find a guy willing to take him in the first place.  
  
They didn’t know about Jared’s clumsiness, how he always broke things and made a mess. They didn’t know about his tendency to ramble and say stupid things, they didn’t know that he screwed up almost every meal he cooked, and they didn’t know that he was bad in bed.  
  
So Jeff hadn’t been perfect, but he had been Jared’s only shot at a relationship.  
  
Or so he had thought.  
  
His mind wandered back to last night, when he thought Jensen wanted to go to the bathroom to clean up, but then he’d actually come back with a washcloth. Jared hadn’t even considered the possibility of something like that happening. After, when Jensen had held him in his arms (Jeff had objected to cuddling with someone taller than him, that was just too uncomfortable), Jared had thought he was the luckiest guy on earth.  
  
Now he tiptoed into his bedroom to get some clothes – of course he had forgotten them before, scatter-brain that he was – and took another look at Jensen. He was still sleeping peacefully and Jared just knew that Jensen was a good man and he had to do everything he could to make him happy.  
  
The chances that Jensen would stick around for long were slim, but every day with him would be a gift.  
  
Jared left the room and closed the door quietly before he got dressed in his hallway. Then he went into the kitchen to make breakfast. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, his granny had always said and Jared would take her advice. He would make Jensen the best breakfast ever and maybe that would help in making him stay a little longer.  
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
When Jensen woke up he was disoriented for a moment by the unfamiliar bed, but then he remembered. He felt a smile tug at his lips and slowly rolled around to cuddle up to Jared, but the bed was empty.  
  
Shit. Jared was probably an early riser, maybe even a real morning person.  
  
Jensen shook his head to chase the last remnants of sleep away and then got up. He grabbed his boxers and his t-shirt and when he opened the bedroom door he was greeted by the most delicious smells. Coffee, pancakes, and bacon. Jensen was officially in heaven.  
  
He stumbled into the bathroom to get himself semi-presentable and then ambled into the living-room. It was not very large and had a built in kitchenette taking up space, but it was tidy and economically furnished. A tiny table separated the two spaces, and the living-room area had a short couch, an old TV, and a bookshelf. Jared had already set the table with plates and glasses, and on the small stove Jensen could make out two pans.  
  
Jared had turned around and was smiling shyly at him. “Morning. I didn’t know what you liked for breakfast, but I only had stuff for pancakes and bacon.”  
  
Jensen smiled back at his boyfriend. “That’s perfect.”  
  
Jared’s dimples came out full force, before the smile vanished from his face and he nervously wrung his hands.  
  
“I mean, if you want to stay for breakfast,” he said. “You obviously don’t have to if you want to go or-”  
  
Jensen crossed the room in three giant steps and pressed a kiss to Jared’s mouth. “I’d love to stay and have breakfast with you. And since you were gone when I woke up, when we’re done eating I’m totally gonna drag you back to bed!”  
  
Jared’s eyes went wide and he swallowed before he gave a shaky nod. Jensen grinned. He couldn't wait go back to bed either. Food first though.  
  
Breakfast was – unsurprisingly – delicious. The bacon was cross, the pancakes were fluffy, and Jared brewed a mean cup of coffee, strong and rich in flavor, just how Jensen liked it.  
  
They didn’t talk a lot, they just ate and smiled at each other. It was a little bit ridiculous, and if Jensen had see anyone of his friends behave like this, he would have teased them endlessly. But this was Jared and Jared was special.  
  
When they were done eating Jensen helped Jared to put the stuff away even though his boyfriend protested, and then Jensen turned on the tap and started doing the dishes. His momma had raised him right after all, and those who didn’t cook cleaned up afterwards.  
  
It didn't take long to do the dishes and he turned around to Jared who was looking him with surprise.  
  
“What” Jensen asked, not used to feeling so self-conscious all the time.  
  
Jared shook his head. “You didn't have to do that.”  
  
“Of course. You made the food, so I clean up. I'm not gonna let you do all the work just because I don't live here. Now, I remember something about that nice big bed of yours.”  
  
Jared looked to the ground and blushed adorably. “It's not that big,” he mumbled, but he didn't protest when Jensen took his hand and walked back into Jared’s bedroom.  
  
When they were sitting on the bed Jared was back to his shy self, fidgeting and avoiding Jensen's eyes. He tried to coax him into relaxing, rubbing his hand and kissing him softly.  
  
It worked, but Jared still tense when Jensen pushed a hand under his shirt.  
  
“You okay?”  
  
“What? Yes, of, of course.”  
  
“You sure?”  
  
Jared nodded again, but he was biting his lip. Jensen slid his hands experimentally under Jared’s shirt and the moment he started to pull on the hem, Jared tensed up.  
  
Slowly, he put a hand to Jared's cheeks and stroked his thumb over Jared’s cheekbone. “You're beautiful, you know that, right?”  
  
Jared's eyes went wide. “What? No. I mean, I'm not beautiful, guys aren't beautiful.”  
  
“Course they are, why shouldn't they be?”  
  
“I – don't know?”  
  
Jensen chuckled. “See? No reason really. And you are beautiful. Can I show you?”  
  
Jared nodded, but he still looked unsure. Jensen thought it was adorable how shy and modest Jared was and maybe he really didn't know how hot he really was. From what Jared had told him his last break-up had not been good, and something like that could make even the strongest people doubt themselves. He still remembered how Dani had been a wreck for several months after her fiance had cheated on her with one of her employees.  
  
So now Jensen drew in a deep breath and slowly pulled Jared's shirt off. He needed to show him.  
  
“You’re beautiful,” he said and pressed a soft kiss to Jared lips before pushing him back on the bed and crawling over him.  
  
“Everywhere.” He ran a hand through the long brown hair, silky soft under his fingers. Jared leaned into the touch and if they had known each other longer, Jensen would spend hours now just petting his hair.  
  
But it was all still so new, and last night had been so dark. He wanted to finally see Jared in the light.  
  
His boyfriend was still watching him warily when Jensen first trailed his fingers and then his lips over every part of his face. A kiss to his temple, a deep inhale in his hair, a fingertip along his lashes. Nose rubbed against a nose, the back of his hand along a cheek and another kiss to those wide lips.  
  
Jared's eyes were closed now and Jensen slowly trailed his mouth lower, following the fluttering pulse down a graceful neck. He listened to Jared's breathing become heavier, felt his dick harden against his leg, and when he tried to draw back Jensen ground his hips down.  
  
“So beautiful,” he murmured against the place over Jared’s heart. “All of you.”  
  
Jared's breath hitched and there was nothing artificial about that reaction. It was so open and honest Jensen wanted to draw him in tight and never let go.  
  
He didn't know why he was reacting so strongly, why he was falling so hard after only a few weeks, what it was about Jared that made him so special.  
  
Maybe it was his kindness and his big heart he thought as he kissed his way down Jared's hard stomach. The muscles were defined but not bulky, and Jensen searched out their ridges with his tongue. He let one hand wander down Jared’s arm, gently stroking the soft skin on the inside of his elbow.  
  
When he thought about Jared's intelligence, always hidden behind his shy demeanor, he intertwined their fingers.  
  
When he dipped his tongue playfully in Jared’s bellybutton he thought of his big laugh, and his small smiles, about the humor glinting in his slanted eyes.  
  
And when he pulled down his boxers and saw Jared’s beautiful dick for the first time he thought about last night and how Jared had just worshiped him.  
  
He bent down to slowly work his way down Jared's cock and his boyfriend stayed almost perfectly still. His body was trembling slightly, but he tried to keep it together.  
  
Jensen teased him with his tongue and used his hands to help. He wanted to hear those quiet moans again.  
  
He didn't have to wait long and he drew back long enough to tell Jared, “That's it, baby, lemme hear you.”  
  
After that, Jared seemed to let go more easily. He was still quiet, but some guys were just like that. Jensen usually liked to get feedback, but they were just starting out, and maybe one day they could talk about what they liked.  
  
Now though he would finish what he had started. It was beautiful seeing Jared come to completion, his cheeks flushed, breathing hard, and his long fingers digging into the bed sheet.  
  
Afterward, Jensen cleaned him off again and then cuddled up next to him on the bed, finally getting to run his hands through the long strands of Jared's hair. When Jared moved to reciprocate, Jensen just waved him off.  
  
“Later. Just wanna lie here with you now.”  
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
The next few weeks were amazing. Jared had never been so happy in his life.  
  
In the beginning he'd been waiting for things to change, for Jensen to get mad when Jared screwed up, or to just leave him when he realized how hesitant he was about sex and things in general.  
  
But Jensen never got mad. When Jared had a bout of clumsiness Jensen just chuckled. It wasn't the mean kind of laugh either, not laughing at him, but more an appreciation of the humor in the situation.  
  
Jensen also never pressured him for sex. He had asked once, about two weeks after their first sleep-over and Jared had gathered all his courage and ask if they could take it slow. Jensen had told him of course, drawn him in tight, and stroked his hair until Jared fell asleep.  
  
Generally Jensen was just the perfect boyfriend, a dream come true. In the back of his head Jared was still waiting for the stroke of midnight taking it all away and leaving him alone with nothing but mice and pumpkins, but it hadn't happened yet.  
  
So he let himself have this. Being with Jensen, falling in love with Jensen, he soaked it all up. It didn't go unnoticed by the people in his life either.  
  
Mrs. Jones, a mother of four children and eight different pets who bought all their animal food in their store, wasn't the only one to remark how happy Jared looked. She also wasn't the only one who asked who the lucky girl was, but she was the only one Jared felt comfortable enough with to say, “His name is Jensen.”  
  
Mrs. Jones blink for a moment and then she tskd. “You should have told me earlier! Then I could have introduced you to my nephew!”  
  
Jared couldn't help but grin. “Sorry about that. But I'm pretty happy right now.”  
  
She nodded. “I can see that. You take care now. And tell that young man of yours he better treat you right, or I'm gonna sic Poochie on him.”  
  
Poochie was her pet-poodle, and a vicious little thing.  
  
“I'll be sure to warn him, Mrs. Jones.”  
  
  
When Gen arrived a while later, Jared went on break and called Sam for their weekly chat. Everything was going smoothly and at the end of the call Sam hesitated before she asked, “So Jared, what's his name?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“The guy that makes you sound so happy.”  
  
Jared had no idea how Sam knew, but apparently his happy state was showing somehow.  
  
“Jensen,” he said and he couldn't keep the giddyness out of his voice. “His name is Jensen. And he's so amazing Sam! He's a physical therapist, so he's basically helping people the whole day and he's intelligent and kind and funny and he even has the most adorable cat!”  
  
There was a short pause before Sam inhaled heavily. “That sounds great honey. Just, be careful, okay? I don't want to see you get hurt again.”  
  
And just like that, Jared's good mood was gone. “Yeah, I know. It's just, he's so nice to me and I want to enjoy it as long as I can.”  
  
“Jared, what are you-”  
  
There was a loud crash from the sales room, a child's scream, and Gen cursed loudly.  
  
“Crap, gotta go Sam!”  
  
Jared hung up and rushed into the store. From the sound of it someone had just toppled the stack of bird cages over.  
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
It was a Thursday when Chris called him. And it wasn’t that Jensen didn't want to see his friend again but he was still in the cozy twosome phase, where he only wanted to spend time with Jared.  
  
Chris had no patience for all the lovey-dovey crap though, as he called it, and insisted Jensen bring Jared to their next gig.  
  
“Dude, I have never seen you this gone over a guy, as your best friend I demand to meet him!”  
  
"Yeah, okay. Just - Chris, behave okay. Jared, he's a bit shy and I don't want you to scare him off."  
  
Chris snorted. "Dude, don't get your panties in a bunch. I can be nice."  
  
Jensen wasn’t so sure about that. Sure, Chris _could_ be nice, but he had a kind of intimidating air around him and blunt was his default setting. But he was right, at some point he had to meet Jared and Jensen wanted to show his boyfriend off. He wanted to take him out, introduce him to his friends, and include him into every aspect of his life.  
  
Misha jumped into his lap and Jensen absently stroked his fur.  
  
“I'm totally gone for him, aren’t I?”  
  
Misha purred in agreement.  
  
“Of course that makes you happy, you two-faced bastard.”  
  
The first time Jared had come over to his place for dinner and a movie, Jensen had warned him extensively about his sister's erratic cat and apologized in advance for any mayhem he might cause.  
  
Jared had just smiled this little smile, the one where he was secretly amused, but didn't want to be rude and show it.  
  
Jensen's worry was unfounded though, because Misha loved Jared.  
  
At first he'd been hesitant, but then he'd maundered around Jared's legs and Jared had bent down to scratch behind his ears.  
  
Misha had purred and Jared had sat down on the floor to pet him some more and without hesitation the cat had crawled into his lap and refused to leave.  
  
Jensen had cooked dinner alone.  
  
Of course Jensen was happy his temporary house guest and Jared got along, but really? The critter was the greatest nuisance in the world but as soon as Jared showed up he turned into this hand-tame, cute, purring little furball.  
  
And when Jared left...  
  
That first evening Jared had gone home after the movie. Misha had obviously expected them to move much faster in their relationship because after the door had closed behind Jared, he'd dug out one of his remaining mice and had slowly, meticulously, drowned it in his water bowl.  
  
Jensen had watched in morbid fascination as Misha daintily pressed the toy under water with one paw and held in it there for the longest minute.  
  
Afterward he'd dragged it out and exploded into snapping jaws and ripping claws to completely tear the thing apart. Jensen had closed his bedroom door that night and regretted ever reading Stephen King's short story in which a cat first kills an entire household and then the hit man that came to take it out.  
  
Jensen thanked god the next time Jared had spent the night, but then Misha had insisted on curling up in bed with them and because Jared neither wanted to throw the cat out nor do anything while it was in the room Jensen had been forced to be content with intense cuddling.  
  
It wasn't bad, not at all, cuddling with Jared was awesome, but when you had a new and smoking hot boyfriend it was rather hard to keep your hands to yourself.  
  
So Jensen tried to have a talk with Misha but the cat just looked at him and flicked its tail in annoyance. Yeah, no help there.  
  
Jensen sighed and pushed the cat unceremoniously off his lap. Misha shrieked indignantly and walked out, probably trying to find something else of Jensen's he could destroy.  
  
He didn't really care though, all his important stuff had been locked away in cupboards and drawers, and if Misha wanted to destroy some old bathroom towels again, so be it.  
  
Jensen would cook lasagna for his lunch with his boyfriend and nothing that damn cat did could dampen his mood anyway.  
  
  
They were sitting in the pet store’s break room, eating lunch, when Jensen remembered Chris's gig tonight.  
  
"So tonight friends of mine, you know Chris and Steve, they're playing in this little bar downtown and they invited us. I haven't really seen them a lot lately, so I told them we'd stop by."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Jensen looked at Jared and his boyfriend was looking down at his plate, long hair partly obscuring his face, but Jensen could see the tense line of his shoulders. Of course, he hadn't even asked Jared if he wanted to go or if he had other plans. Shit.  
  
"Sorry, I didn't even ask you. You know, if you have other plans, no big deal. I just thought it would be nice. I didn't even think, sorry baby."  
  
Jared looked him with wide eyes. "What? No, that's - that's okay. I don't have plans. I was just surprised, that's all. Of course we can go meet your friends. I'd love to meet them."  
  
Jared was smiling, but it seemed a little forced. Jeez, Jensen really was a self-centered ass sometimes.  
  
"Thanks," he said and took Jared’s hand. "I'm sorry about springing this on you like this. I promise to be better."  
  
Jared was still smiling and he nodded. "Okay. It's just- I thought we could spend some time together? Just the two of us?"  
  
Jared looked so hopeful and Jensen leaned over to kiss him. "Trust me, I want that too. And I promise, the rest of the weekend I'm all yours!"  
  
When Jensen left to go back to his patients he cursed demanding friends, social obligations, and everything else that was keeping him from giving Jared his undivided attention.  
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
"Jay? You okay?"  
  
Gen's soft voice ripped him out of his thoughts. He looked over to her and she was looking at him with concern on her face.  
  
"Yes. I'm fine."  
  
"You sure? If you have problems with Jensen you can always come to me, you know that, right?"  
  
Jared nodded. "I know. And I appreciate it. But this – he just wants me to meet his friends."  
  
Gen broke out in a huge smile. "Jay, that's great!"  
  
"It is?"  
  
"Of course! That's the next step in a relationship. Having you meet the friends? That's making it official!"  
  
"Making what official?" Jared asked confused.  
  
"Well, that you're his boyfriend, of course. What else?" she asked, and chuckling she went over to the customers that had just walked in.  
  
Boyfriend. On a logical level he knew that it made sense, but still... boyfriend. Jensen's boyfriend. The thought simultaneously made butterflies flutter in his stomach and cold sweat break out on his back.  
  
He wanted to be Jensen’s boyfriend. He wanted it so badly the longing was a constant part of his daily routine. And he wanted it all, the fairy-tale, romantic comedy, schmoopy relationship. He wanted the holding hands and the romantic dinners, the going to sleep together and waking up together. He wanted to lean on Jensen when he was tired or sad and he wanted Jensen to come to him after a long day at work and relax on his couch. He wanted the cooking and eating together, the cleaning up together, the doing things apart and then meeting up in hugs and kisses and I missed yous. He even wanted the arguments, real arguments, where they would yell at each other and then make up with passionate kisses on the couch.  
  
He wanted it all, and with Jensen, for the first time in a long time, he thought it was at least a little bit possible. If he didn't screw up completely. If he didn't let Jensen see what a failure he really was. If Jensen didn't get fed up with his clumsiness and his stupidity and his overgrown body.  
  
Jared sighed. Meeting the friends. With Jeff it had always been; try to look nice and don't talk too much. He wondered what Jensen would expect of him.  
  
  
The evening went better than Jared expected.  
  
Jensen didn't say anything about how Jared should behave, he just told him not to take Chris and Steve too seriously and be himself, they'd love him.  
  
Jared wasn't too sure about that, but he wasn't gonna question Jensen.  
  
The bar had a nice, homey, down to earth atmosphere. People were sitting there in boots and jeans and checked shirts, and they were drinking beer and eating wings.  
  
Jeff never would have gone into a place like this, but Jared liked it more than the stuck up, posh bars and restaurants he'd liked to frequent.  
  
Chris and Steve turned out to be really nice as well.  
  
Sure, Chris did give him a long look, and Jared could feel himself starting to fidget and sweat under the scrutiny, but then Steve elbowed Chris in the ribs and mumbled “knock it off.”  
  
They chatted for a bit and then Chris and Steve took the stage. The music wasn't overly loud, but Jensen clearly wanted to listen, and so did Jared.  
  
Jeff wasn't from around these parts, he came from New York actually, forced down south by his job and he'd never liked the manners and customs around here.  
  
But Jared did and evidently Jensen did as well. So they sat there, mostly quiet, drinking beer, sharing a bucket of wings, and listening to Chris and Steve play their music.  
  
It was the best date Jared had ever been on.  
  
  
After their gig Chris and Steve made their way slowly through the bar and past all the people who wanted to clap their shoulders and congratulate them, before they once again landed at Jensen and Jared's table.  
  
The emerging conversation mainly was about music and local bands, and while Jared found it quite interesting, there wasn't much he could contribute to that. He didn't mind much, he liked just listening and seeing Jensen in his element, talking with gesticulating hands and glowing eyes. It was good.  
  
Steve drifted out of the conversation as well and after a while he turned to Jared and asked if it was true that Jared worked in a pet store. When Jared told him that yes, he did, Steve told him about his older brother who wanted to buy a puppy for his kids and asked if Jared could recommend a certain breed and had tips for raising a dog.  
  
Since Jared had wanted a puppy ever since he knew what a puppy was that wasn't a hard question to answer. His parents had never allowed him any pets and neither had Jeff, so Jared's extensive research on dogs had never come to any fruition, but he loved passing his knowledge on and helping someone else find the perfect dog for them.  
  
He had just finished telling Steve the story about this elderly couple who had bought a way too lively Jack Russell Terrier and then had come to the pet store and wanted to return him. The puppy had broken free though, running through the whole store, and Jared hadn't managed to catch it until it had run into the coffee shop next door and gotten cuddles from the barista.  
  
After Jared had apologized profusely, and in the process of his rambling apology basically told her the whole story, she had decided to take the puppy. She and her boyfriend wanted a dog anyway.  
  
“So, it all worked out in the end?” Steve asked.  
  
“Yeah,” Jared said.  
  
He looked up at Jensen, and his boyfriend was looking at him, smiling softly and his eyes were crinkling around the corners.  
  
Jared couldn't help but smiling back, and for a few moments, they sat there, just smiling at each other. Then Chris slammed his glass loudly onto the table and cleared his throat.  
  
“Alright, time for us to go and put our shit away. You two should probably head home before you infect the rest of the bar with your cuteness.”  
  
Jensen grinned unrepentantly at Chris. “You're just jealous, 'cause Steve doesn't look at you like that!”  
  
“Nah,” Steve said. “He's just pissy because he hasn't gotten laid in weeks.”  
  
“Dude! It's not about the sex. I'm just done with meaningless bar flirts.” He turned to Jensen. “If you're a good friend you'll get to know all of Jared's girlfriends and then introduce me to the nicest!”  
  
Jensen mock saluted. “Will do.”  
  
“Alright. Good seeing you, man. Jared, nice to meet you.”  
  
Jared nodded and shook hands, and then Jensen had already paid and they stumbled out of the bar.  
  
Jared only noticed how tipsy he was when the cool fall air hit him. He leaned into Jensen for support and it was only when Jensen’s arm came wound his waist he realized that he hadn't even thought about it, had had no fear from rebuttal.  
  
Because he could touch Jensen whenever he wanted. Reveling in his new found knowledge, he nuzzled Jensen's neck.  
  
His boyfriend leaned in and brushed a kiss against his forehead.  
  
“That wasn't so bad, was it?”  
  
Jared shook his head against Jensen’s neck.  
  
“Alright, let's get you home, cuddle monster.”  
  
Jared drew back and looked at Jensen. Jensen had always been the one to ask and to suggest, but Jared _wanted_. And with Jensen, he knew he could ask.  
  
Still, it wasn't easy getting the words out.  
  
“Can we, I mean are you sleeping at my place?”  
  
“Hmm, well I need to feed Misha tomorrow morning, and since I wasn't planning on leaving the bed and you in it for more than five minutes, I was thinking my place, if that's okay?”  
  
Something warm and tingly spread through Jared's chest.  
  
“Sure. It's just you said home, so I thought...”  
  
Jensen hummed. “Yeah, I guess I did.”  
  
And Jared wasn't sure what exactly that meant, but the warm feeling stayed.  
  
  
When they got back to the apartment Misha ignored Jensen completely in favor of cozying up to Jared. Privately Jared thought Jensen was exaggerating by a mile when he talked about the cat, but his little rants were entertaining, so Jared never said anything.  
  
They got ready for bed pretty fast and Jared couldn't help but smile stupidly every time he saw the toothbrush Jensen had given him standing in the cup next to his own.  
  
Jared went to bed first, Misha a purring weight on his chest. When Jensen came into the bedroom he took one look at the cat, grabbed it and dumped it none too gently outside the door, before quickly closing it.  
  
“What do you say, Misha stays outside tonight?”  
  
Jared swallowed, because Misha had acted nicely as a buffer between them. And it wasn't that Jared didn't want to do things with Jensen, but he was still scared to take it further.  
  
Jensen slid into bed and started to kiss him slow but deep.  
  
“God, Jay, you have no idea what you do to me.”  
  
Jared could feel Jensen's half hard dick rubbing against his hip through their boxers, so he had some idea.  
  
“I just want-” Jensen cut himself off, but Jared knew what he wanted to ask and he knew he couldn't stall any longer. They'd been dating for over a month now and he was amazed at Jensen’s patience anyway.  
  
So he nodded, even though it was mostly dark in the room, only the soft light from the streetlights spilling in through the curtains.  
  
Jensen drew back to look at him. “You sure? Cause I didn't mean to imply anything here, it's just, sometimes when I'm with you...”  
  
“It's okay, Jensen,” Jared said and it felt weird that he was the one reassuring Jensen. “I want to, it's just, it's been a while and I-” He broke off, not quite knowing what to say.  
  
Jensen took his hand and intertwined their fingers. “I promise to go slow, baby.”  
  
  


 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I wrote this chapter years ago, but somehow I forgot to put it up from lj. This does not mean that I'll continue the story, because the muse abandoned it for such a long time, and I've written so much other stuff in between, I have no idea if I can ever go back to this. However, I think, the end of this chapter gives a little more closure, so if you don't mind open endings, this might work for you.
> 
> I apologize for leaving this on indefinite hiatus.
> 
>  
> 
> This chapter contains a discussion about past abuse and since Jensen is not a therapist, his reaction is not perfect, even if he means well. Domestic abuse is a horrible thing to happen to anyone and I realize Jared will need a lot of help, besides Jensen, to deal with what happened to him and I have no doubt that, in the future of this story, Jared will go see a therapist to help him deal with what Jeff did to him.
> 
> I added the tag dubious consent for this chapter. If you want to read why, please see the end notes because it's slightly spoilery in nature.

 

 

 

 

  
_“I promise to go slow, baby.”_  
  
  
And Jensen did.  
  
He kissed him, slowly and almost reverently, drawing them up in a sitting position and gently pulling off first Jared’s and then his own shirt.  
  
His fingers ran over Jared’s back, making goosebumps shoot along his spine, before they settled low on his hips and Jensen drew him in close.  
  
Jeff had never kissed him like that, didn't like to be reminded of Jared's freakish height, but then Jensen pressed their bodies closer together and Jared stopped thinking of Jeff.  
  
He could only think of how great Jensen felt against him, like a solid wall of comfort and safety – and arousal. Jared could feel Jensen hot and hard against his leg, and his own body reacted in kind.  
  
Jensen gripped him tighter, thumbs digging into the soft flesh next to his hip bones, and Jared couldn't help but moan. He'd never really enjoyed it when Jeff was rough, but Jensen touching him like that, it was different. Jared knew, even though he still had a hard time believing it sometimes, Jensen was touching him like that because he  _wanted_  him.  
  
For whatever reason, Jensen wanted to touch him, to kiss him, to be close to him. Jared could feel it sometimes, when Jensen's grip tightened, when his teeth dug deep into his flesh. At first, he'd feared he was like Jeff, being careless and single minded in his pursuit of pleasure, because Jared was a lost cause anyway, unable to open up and enjoy like normal people did.  
  
But Jensen was different.  
  
If he kissed and bit Jared, it was in places that made his blood tingle and his dick harden. If he gripped him tight, it was to anchor himself. Jensen didn't just want a warm body, he wanted Jared.  
  
So when Jensen pushed Jared back on the bed and slotted himself between his legs, breathing harshly into his ear and mumbling his question into Jared's neck, Jared could say nothing else but yes.  
  
Jensen's head snapped up, and he looked like he came out of a daze. “You sure? I mean, god that came out wrong, I don't – we don't have to tonight, okay? I just, well you're really fucking hot and sometimes my brain just short-circuits around you.”  
  
If Jared had been unsure before, this was the last reassurance he needed. Jensen was so patient, so understanding, and Jared wanted to give him this. Jensen was so ridiculously perfect and if this would make him happy, Jared would gladly accept the pain and discomfort that came with it.  
  
“I'm sure,” Jared said, and he was proud how little his voice wavered. “I want it,” he added, because it actually looked like Jensen needed the assurance.  
  
His boyfriend reacted immediately, peppering Jared's lips with tiny kisses and cradling his face in his hands.  
  
“You're amazing, you know that? So fucking perfect.”  
  
Jared just smiled indulgently and said nothing. He didn't want to ruin the moment.  
  
In fact, he would do everything he could to make this as good as possible. Every little thing Jeff had ever criticized, he would heed tonight. He would be perfect for Jensen. And maybe then he wouldn't run in the other direction afterwards and take Jared’s heart with him.  
  
Jensen drew back and quickly got rid of his boxers. He had obviously realized a while ago that being naked while Jensen was still dressed made Jared uncomfortable, and he'd taken to shucking his own clothes, before he undressed Jared.  
  
When Jensen gently dug his fingers under the waist of Jared's boxers, Jared reminded himself to breathe. And when he pulled them down, slowly and carefully, eyes burning into Jared's the whole time he tried to remind himself that Jensen was nothing like Jeff, that surely it wouldn't be that bad.  
  
But when he pulled Jared's boxers over his feet, the fear came back. As soon as his underwear was off, Jared scrambled to get around and on all fours, he didn't want Jensen to see that he wasn't hard anymore.  
  
He heard Jensen draw in a shaky breath, before he heard him scoot closer and a warm hand came to rest on his ass.  
  
“Shit, Jay. Going to kill me.”  
  
“Please,” Jared got out, needing to hurry this along before he lost his nerve.  
  
“Eager, are you?” Jensen asked in that low throaty rumble his voice always got when he was aroused. Usually it made Jared's blood boil, but now his heart just sped up in fear.  
  
Oh god, he would mess this up somehow, and then Jensen would finally realize that Jared wasn't good enough, and he would leave and Jared would be alone again, and this time it would be so much worse, and-  
  
“Hey, baby.” Jensen's hands ran soothingly up and down his back. “You okay?”  
  
“Yeah, I'm fine,” Jared pressed out.  
  
“Bullshit,” Jensen said, but his voice was soft.  
  
Strong hands gripped Jared's hips and then Jensen flipped him around, just like that, and he was lying on his back with Jensen hovering over him and his hand softly stroking over Jared's cheek.  
  
“Jay, you gotta tell me what’s wrong. If you don’t want to-”  
  
“No, I do! I just, I just don't want to mess it up.” Jared's voice died down to a whisper.  
  
For a moment Jensen stared incredulously down at him, before he shook his head.  
  
“There's no way you can mess this up, baby. There’s no right or wrong here, okay? Just two guys figuring out what we like.”  
  
Jared nodded and drew in a shaky breath. Everything would be okay. Jensen would make everything okay.  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
With a smile Jensen leaned down to kiss him. Jared lost himself in that kiss, feeling nothing but Jensen's lips, his tongue, and his breath.  
  
It was gentle and loving, but then Jared shifted his hips a bit to get more comfortable and Jensen moaned low in his throat.  
  
“So fucking hot.”  
  
And just like that, Jared felt himself hardening again. Jensen did too, because his mouth became more insistent. His teeth were nipping at Jared's mouth, catching his lower lip and slightly pulling, while his hands were suddenly all over Jared, and his erection was rubbing against Jared's own hard on.  
  
The friction was amazing and Jared couldn't help but moan. He knew he should probably be quiet, nobody liked a slut, but just like it had happened before Jensen gripped him harder and he had no choice but to respond.  
  
“Shit, Jay, sound so hot.”  
  
Jensen seemed to  _like_  it when Jared moaned.  
  
So when Jensen made his way down his neck, kissing and nibbling at his throat, Jared didn't try to hide his labored breathing.  
  
Jensen’s hand was slowly trailing down his stomach, ghosting over his dick and balls, making him shiver and then his fingers ventured lower and Jared couldn't help but tense.  
  
He could feel Jensen hesitate, but they couldn't stop now.  
  
“Don't stop,” he mumbled. “Want you to.”  
  
Jared could feel his face warm with shame, but Jensen just kissed him again.  
  
“So adorable when you blush. But you don't need to worry, okay, always tell me what you want.”  
  
Jared nodded and then Jensen leaned over him to the bedside table.  
  
Jared took a deep breath and tried to relax.  
  
He jumped slightly when Jensen's slick finger touched him there, and Jensen chuckled a bit. “Sorry, forgot it's cold. Gonna warm it up better next time.”  
  
Jensen was crouching above him, kissing him and with one finger slowly trailing between his ass cheeks, rubbing over his hole. It felt nice.  
  
Jensen was just rubbing him there, gently, slicking him up, and it was good. Then he pushed the tip of his finger in and the weird pressing sensation made Jared tense up again.  
  
“Fuck, you're tight. Gotta relax, baby, gotta let me in.”  
  
“Sorry.” Jared felt the tears starting behind his eyelids, once again his stupid body would ruin everything.  
  
“Hey, it’s okay. Is it, I mean, how long...”  
  
Jared opened his eyes to see Jensen looking at him questioningly.  
  
“Oh. A while. Not since...”  
  
“Okay, okay. Just relax, baby, I'm gonna make this good for you, I promise.”  
  
And then Jensen slid down his body, kissing his way down Jared's chest and abdomen, before taking his mostly flaccid dick in his mouth.  
  
Jared just about bowed off the bed at the unexpected heat and wetness around his dick before he got himself under control.  
  
Jensen continued to lick and suck him and it was so amazingly good. When Jensen brought his finger back to his hole he didn't even flinch.  
  
Jensen slowly pushed his finger inside, and it still burned, still felt weirdly full, but it wasn't bad.  
  
Until now his mouth had simply been holding Jared’s dick, but it started moving again, slowly and in sync with the movements of his finger.  
  
In and out, Jensen's finger dragged against Jared's inner walls and the feeling of weird discomfort started to fade, while only the fullness remained.  
  
It started to feel good, whispers of pleasure Jared had enjoyed before, but had never lasted because a dick was just so much bigger than a finger.  
  
When Jensen inserted his second finger the burn came back, but he was still sucking him lightly, running his tongue along Jared's shaft, and it wasn’t long before Jared only felt pleasure.  
  
Jensen started twisting his fingers a bit, scissoring, and it felt weird for a moment, but then-  
  
“Oh god!”  
  
Sparks shot up Jared's spine as Jensen's fingers brushed something inside of him.  
  
“That's it, baby, let go.”  
  
Jensen’s fingers pushed in again, brushing up against that spot, and Jared lost his coherent thoughts. It just felt so good, even when he pushed a third finger inside there was nothing but pleasure.  
  
Distantly Jared was aware he was writhing and moaning on the bed, but Jensen was still fucking him with his fingers, and he'd abandoned sucking Jared cock in favor of pressing small kisses to his abdomen in between mumbling the filthiest words; telling Jared how hot he looked, how amazing he was.  
  
Then suddenly the fingers were gone and Jared couldn't stop the whine from slipping out before he saw that Jensen was putting on a condom.  
  
For a moment the fear was back, but then Jensen was there and kissing him and when he felt Jensen’s dick press against his opening Jared wanted it so bad it hurt.  
  
He didn't care about the pain sure to follow. He wanted Jensen inside of him, wanted to be connected to him like that, to be full of him.  
  
The pressure mounted and then Jared felt himself opening up and Jensen slid in with one smooth stroke.  
  
And yes, it hurt. But it also felt right.  
  
Jensen stilled above him, breathing labored and eyes squeezed closed.  
  
“Shit, fuck, god you feel so good, so fucking good.”  
  
Jared felt himself preen under the praise. He raised his head to kiss Jensen and the motion did something to where their bodies were connected and he felt a fraction of that special pleasure tingle through his body.  
  
“Oh god, Jared, don't move.”  
  
Jared froze immediately. “What-”  
  
Jensen looked at him then, face scrunched up. “If you move, I'm gonna come right now. You gotta give me a minute here, okay?”  
  
Jared nodded his head slowly and Jensen kissed him again. The feeling of his warm lips; Jared lost himself in it, so much he almost missed when Jensen slowly started to move.  
  
Slow at first, deep and steady strokes. It took him only a few thrusts and then his dick was brushing Jared’s prostate and if there was any discomfort left Jared didn’t feel it anymore, he got consumed by the pleasure.  
  
His eyes fell shut and he felt his hips move on their own accord. The air was filled with breathless moans and whimpers, and he only realized they were his own when Jensen joined in, breathing out Jared's name over and over again.  
  
“God, baby, so close.”  
  
The words were like throwing oil on the fire, he was making feel Jensen like that, Jensen sounded so broken and wrecked because of him.  
  
Jared suddenly felt his own climax building, and then Jensen’s hand wrapped around his dick and the pressure was enough, he didn't even need the friction, he just came all over his chest, orgasm rushing through his body.  
  
Through the haze he felt Jensen shudder and still, before he collapsed on Jared's body. It was perfect.  
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
Jensen’s heart was still beating like crazy and he was out of breath like he had just run a marathon. It didn’t help his breathing that his nose was smushed against Jared’s collarbone, but right now he really couldn’t move.  
  
He’d known that sex with Jared would be great, that was one of the reasons he hadn’t minded waiting for so long, but this... Jared had been so hot and tight around him and so  _responsive_ , arching into every touch, breathless little moans falling so prettily from his lips.  
  
Yeah, totally worth waiting for.  
  
Jensen slowly raised himself up on his arms, he was way too heavy to put his whole weight on Jared’s chest, but when he looked up to his boyfriend’s face, he choked up.  
  
Tears were running down Jared’s beautiful face, his multicolored eyes red rimmed, and he was clearly trying to control his breathing.  
  
Fuck.  
  
“Jay, baby, did I hurt you? Are- are you okay? What’s going on, come on, talk to me, sweetheart!”  
  
Jared’s eyes widened in surprise but then he smiled tentatively at Jensen. “No, don’t, I’m not crying because something’s wrong, I’m crying because I’m  _happy_.”  
  
“What?”  
  
Jared turned his head away and took a deep breath.  
  
“Don’t mind me, I know I’m being silly,” he mumbled into the pillow.  
  
Oh, hell no.  
  
Jensen put his hand against Jared’s cheek and pulled his face back to look at him. “You’re not being silly. And hey, if you’re really happy, I’m happy.”  
  
Jared smiled so wide his dimples came out full force and Jensen couldn’t help but lean down and kiss him.  
  
God, he loved those dimples. He was completely convinced that one day they would be responsible for world peace.  
  
“I’m happy,” Jared said softly.  
  
“Good,” Jensen said and leaned down to press another kiss on Jared’s lips.  
  
“Just tell me if this is going to be a regular thing? You know, so I know that whenever you cry after sex I did a good job.”  
  
Jared’s eyes widened and he looked like a deer caught in the headlights.  
  
“Jay?” Jensen was getting a really uneasy feeling about this.  
  
Jared had been skittish pretty much through their whole budding relationship, but Jensen had thought his boyfriend had just been shy. Now, he wasn’t so sure anymore.  
  
“No! I mean, I won’t cry every time. I’m sure it will be great every time anyway. Because you’re great. And you’re great to me. And, and I promise, next time I will be ready faster and you won’t have to wait so long and prep me and-”  
  
Jensen put a finger against Jared’s lips. “Shh. You’re rambling, baby.”  
  
Jared blushed and lowered his eyes. “Sorry.”  
  
Jensen shook his head. “Don’t be sorry, just tell me what’s going on?”  
  
Jared looked confused. “What do you mean?”  
  
“Well, with the way you’re acting it sounds like you never had good sex before. And what do you mean, you’ll be ready faster? Jared, your body goes at its own pace and I don’t mind taking it slow. To be honest, that was pretty hot.”  
  
Jared looked at him with his mouth slightly open and big eyes. “You, you’re sure you don’t mind?”  
  
“No baby, of course I don’t,” Jensen tried to reassure him.  
  
“Oh.”  
  
“Jay,” Jensen started, but then stopped.  
  
How could he ask this without hurting his boyfriend? Jared had always been so reluctant to talk about past relationships, but Jensen had just chalked it up to a bad break-up or something. Now he really needed to know.  
  
He brought his hand up to Jared’s face and slowly rubbed his thumb along the line of his cheekbone. “Jared, your last boyfriend, was he – good to you?”  
  
He saw a flash of panic flutter across Jared’s face and his stomach dropped. How could he not have seen this before?  
  
“Yes, of course, Jeff was very good to me.” It sounded like Jared really believed that, but there was something else in his eyes, fear and – was that shame?  
  
“And the sex,” Jensen pushed, “was the sex good?”  
  
Jared bit his lips. “M- mostly. I did my best, really! But I’m clumsy sometimes...”  
  
Yeah, Jensen had seen Jared’s clumsiness, but he thought it was adorable.  
  
“And I was always so tense.” Jared’s voice was so quiet, Jensen had trouble hearing it.  
  
“What do you mean, tense?”  
  
Jared wasn’t looking him in the eyes anymore and his hands were gripping the sheets so tightly his knuckles were turning white. Jensen was pretty sure that if he wasn’t trapping Jared against the mattress with his body, his boyfriend would have already jumped out of the bed.  
  
“I, well I was so tense Jeff had a hard time, you know, getting in.”  
  
Jared’s face was bright red now and the embarrassment was coming off of him in waves.  
  
“But if you were so tense, he should have taken his time to open you up!”  
  
A terrible thought suddenly occurred to Jensen. “Baby, did he hurt you?”  
  
“No, not really. I mean sometimes it hurt, but most of the time it just burned and was uncomfortable. And he jerked me off after. Most times.”  
  
“Oh god, baby, I’m so sorry. That’s not how it’s supposed to be, you know that, right?”  
  
New tears were welling in Jared’s eyes and he nodded.  
  
“I know and I’m so sorry, there’s just something wrong with me. Please, don’t leave me Jensen, I promise I don’t mind if you go faster next time!” Jared’s voice was pleading and so desperate, Jensen’s heart ached. How could this beautiful man be so broken?  
  
“No, Jay, that’s not what I meant. There’s nothing wrong with you, you hear me? Nothing!”  
  
“But-”  
  
“No! No buts! Jeff was the one who was wrong. You can’t rush your body, Jay. And if it takes you longer to relax, then so be it. And what does that even mean, longer? You can’t put a clock on something like that.”  
  
“I don’t know,” Jared mumbled. “Jeff just always said I should relax faster, he didn’t have the time to wait for me to get my shit together.”  
  
Jensen wanted to go find this Jeff and help him relax. By knocking him unconscious. Preferably with a baseball bat.  
  
“He was wrong, Jared. So wrong. You’re perfect just the way you are!”  
  
Jensen put his weight on his elbows next to Jared’s shoulder, so he could cradle his lover’s face in his hands. Somehow he needed to find the right words to make this perfect man realize just how incredible he was.  
  
“You’re perfect and it’s a gift to touch you and to make love to you. If Jeff couldn’t see that, well then he’s an ass.”  
  
Jared was blushing again and his eyes were shining wetly, but he brought his hands up slowly and put them on Jensen’s back, light, feathery touches. Jensen kissed him again, first on the mouth, then on his cheeks. With small kitten licks he wiped the remnants of the tears off of Jared’s face and then showered him with soft little kisses everywhere he could reach.  
  
Jared let out a long sigh. “I- I can't believe I found you,” he said quietly, carefully, as if saying it out loud would make it come untrue.  
  
“Same here,” Jensen replied and leaned down to put a kiss directly over Jared’s heart.  
  
Something occurred to him then; something he’d always assumed Jared knew, because how could he not, when it was so glaringly obvious to everybody else? Not only his friends and his neighbors and colleagues, but even the guy who worked in the coffee shop where Jensen got his morning caffeine-fix had realized it.  
  
“You know I love you, right?” he asked.  
  
“Really?” Jared looked at him with such a hopeful expression Jensen couldn’t help but lean down and kiss him again.  
  
“Yes,” kiss, “I love,” kiss, “everything,” kiss, “about you.”  
  
Jared gave him a small smile and Jensen counted that as a victory.  
  
They kissed some more, tongues slowly tangling together, lips moving softly against each other, hands roaming over warm skin.  
  
“But I’m so clumsy,” Jared suddenly said.  
  
“Well, I love that, too.”  
  
“But, what if I break your favorite mug or something?”  
  
Jensen decided Jared wouldn’t be allowed to say the word but anymore.  
  
“Then I’ll be sad for a bit, but then we’ll go out and buy me a new one and that will be my new favorite, because you bought it for me.”  
  
Jared smiled at him then, softly with only a hint of dimples and Jensen vowed to show his boyfriend every single day how amazing he was and how great sex could be, so that he would understand what an amazing person he was and never feel inadequate again.  
  
  
Life was good. Jensen was relaxed and satisfied, like he hadn't been in years. Not that his life before Jared had been bad, but his boyfriend had just added that special something and Jensen couldn't imagine his life without him anymore.  
  
Jared had gone back to his apartment an hour ago, because he had an early start the next morning, but Jensen didn’t need to get up until eight. The perks of working in a private practice.  
  
They had slept together for a grand total of five times now and Jensen just couldn’t wipe the grin off his face.  
  
Jared was perfect. Absolutely, mind-blowingly perfect.  
  
Jensen knew in bed he had a dominant streak a mile wide and Jared was completely submissive, following suggestions eagerly, hanging on Jensen’s lips for every word. And he was so responsive and pliant, opening up and moaning so prettily, Jensen thought he would never get enough.  
  
It was just – Jensen didn’t know what exactly it was, but something was bugging him. Ever since Jared’s confession after their first time that he’d never really enjoyed sex before, because his boyfriend had been rough with him, it had shaken him up.  
  
Yeah, Jensen liked to manhandle his partners and he wasn’t averse to a rough fucking himself, but only if his partner liked it. From the sound of it, Jared wouldn’t.  
  
Jensen thought he would probably miss the occasional fast and dirty fuck, but if it meant being with Jared then it was completely worth it.  
  
Misha suddenly appeared out of nowhere directly in front of him and Jensen flinched in surprise.  
  
“Goddammit,” he muttered. The damn cat would give him a heart attack one day.  
  
He couldn’t wait for Thanksgiving to drive home and take Misha with him. His parents wouldn’t be too happy about having him in the house without Mac, but then at least Jensen would be rid of the little pest.  
  
On cue Misha jumped into his lap and demanded a cuddling session in no uncertain terms. If Jensen didn’t want his pants shredded he better obeyed fast.  
  
“The question that remains though,” Jensen told the cat, because he didn’t have another audience right now and the thoughts just wouldn’t let go of him, “the question is what else that bastard did to him. Jared said the asshole never hit him, but who knows what else he did?”  
  
Misha looked at him with a very grave and concurring expression.  
  
“I mean, just because he didn’t hit him, doesn’t mean it wasn’t abuse, right?”  
  
Misha moved his head in a way that was clearly a nod.  
  
“He could have verbally abused him. What if he has all those doubts and self-esteem issues because of that ass? I always thought he’s probably just modest, but what if he really thinks he’s not pretty, because the asshole told him so?”  
  
Misha put his paws on Jensen’s hand that was stroking his belly. Jensen looked down at the cat and Misha just lay there, pressing his paws to Jensen’s hand in that universal gesture of comfort.  
  
For a moment, Jensen finally felt the connection with the cat that his sister always talked about, saw the wisdom in those blue eyes and briefly he felt comforted.  
  
Then Misha extended his claws and Jensen didn’t pull his hand back fast enough to avoid getting three long scratches across the back of his hand.  
  
“Son of a bitch!”  
  
Misha was already out of his lap and off to the bathroom.  
  
Jensen sucked at the scratches, they weren’t deep, but they hurt like hell and decided to finally sit Jared down and figure out exactly what this Jeff had done to his boyfriend.  
  
It didn’t matter that Jared didn’t want to talk about it, this was a conversation they needed to have. The conversation might hurt Jared, but he needed to know what Jared really thought, so he could help him.  
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
Something was off tonight.  
  
Jensen had invited Jared over and promised to cook him dinner. That itself wasn't unusual, Jensen liked to cook and he was very good at it. Jared really enjoyed getting spoiled with three course meals, even though he felt a pang of guilt every time. With his salary he would never be able to afford living like this and he didn't want Jensen to see him as a gold digger.  
  
And it wasn’t that Jared cared about the money, or fine clothing and expensive wines, but still. He knew how it looked when a poor young guy hooked up with an older wealthy man. Jeff had told him often enough.  
  
But for now Jared just tried to enjoy Jensen pampering him, he would find ways to repay him.  
  
The only problem was that tonight Jensen seemed tense. He didn't say much and his smile was strained.  
  
Jared tried to push the nervousness down, but he had no idea what to expect. He had known all of Jeff's moods, had known when he had a chance to diffuse one and when it was better to take cover.  
  
With Jensen, this was still uncharted territory. Jared had never seen him really angry – oh sure, Jensen had been exhausted, or annoyed and even angry, but never at Jared, and he'd never taken it out on him.  
  
“Aren’t you hungry?”  
  
Jared looked up startled, to see Jensen looking worriedly at his plate. He realized that he'd just been pushing his food around, too worried to enjoy the pasta properly.  
  
He had two choices now: pretend everything was okay, or ask Jensen what was wrong. He would have never done that with Jeff, but Jensen had never done anything like he had.  
  
“I'm, it's just – you seem tense.” Jared looked at Jensen, trying to figure out if he'd made the wrong choice, but Jensen just sighed and dragged a hand through his hair.  
  
“Yeah. Sorry, but there's something I wanna talk to you about, and I can't quite get it off my mind.”  
  
Talk about something, Jensen wanted to have some kind of talk. Jared tried really hard not to hyperventilate or cry, but nothing good had ever come out of those words.  
  
“Hey,” he heard Jensen say and then get up from his chair, but Jared stared at his plate trying to keep himself under control.  
  
“Jay, hey, it's nothing bad okay? I'm, I'm not mad or anything.”  
  
Jared looked up and Jensen looked so worried, he felt a bit silly. But still...  
  
“But nothing good ever comes from having a talk.”  
  
“Shit.” Jensen dragged his hand through his hair again and by now it was standing up in all directions.  
  
“Yeah, sorry, I shouldn't have said it like that. I promise it's nothing bad, I don't wanna break up with you or anything, okay? I love you, baby.”  
  
Like every time Jensen said it, Jared felt himself grinning stupidly, he just couldn't help it.  
  
“Okay,” he said and Jensen looked relieved.  
  
“Okay. Then let's just finish dinner and then we can talk. About nothing bad. I just, you know, wanted to ask you a couple of things.”  
  
“What kind of things?” Jared asked.  
  
“Oh, you know, family stuff. I mean, I think I bothered you with my entire family history at some point and I don't know anything about yours.”  
  
“Oh.” Nothing bad, Jensen had said. Well, not really.  
  
“Jared?”  
  
Jared looked up at his boyfriend and tried to smile. His acting skills had become a bit rusty, because with Jensen he just felt so safe that he felt the need for a facade less and less, but now, when Jensen was looking at him like that and Jared could see how he didn't believe him, he wished he was better at it.  
  
“After dinner,” Jared just said, because Jensen was right. He couldn't hide this from him any longer, his boyfriend had a right to know. He just hoped that it wouldn't matter to Jensen, that it wouldn’t change how he saw him. How he loved him.  
  
With a forced smile he went back to the pasta, but he couldn't enjoy the taste. Jensen was lost in his own thoughts and the rest of the meal passed in silence.  
  
When they were done Jensen cleared the table and when Jared wanted to do the dishes he told him to leave it. Instead Jensen grabbed two beers out of the fridge, took Jared's hand and led him over to the couch.  
  
As soon as they'd sat down Misha shot into the the room and made a beeline for Jared's lap. Jared welcomed the warm comforting weight across his legs and buried his hand in Misha's soft fur.  
  
Jensen gave the cat a wary look – and really, it was like Jensen sometimes expected Misha to attack and eat them or turn into the devil himself in his living-room – and drew Jared against his chest.  
  
“So, tell me about them?”  
  
Jared took a long drag from his bottle. Time to come clean.  
  
“I have an older brother and a younger sister. My parents live in a small town outside of Austin. They're good people, and they were good to me, but when they found out I was gay-”  
  
“Ah shit.” Jensen's voice was quite, but Jared still heard the compassion, the anger, and the pain in it.  
  
He leaned closer into Jensen and his boyfriend's arm around him tightened, his hand rubbing comforting circles into his shoulder.  
  
“They wanted me out of the house,” Jared finally said, when Jensen stayed silent. “I had just started my first semester of community college and was saving up to go to UT. That obviously didn't work out.”  
  
He was surprised at the bitterness in his voice. It had been a long time since he'd been really angry with his parents. Sure, it had hurt when they'd thrown him out, but it had also saved him from a long and torturous college experience he wasn't cut out for anyway.  
  
“So I packed my things. Mom gave my access to my college fund and I came to Austin, because a friend of mine was going to college here. I moved in with her, went to community college and got a job in a packing factory. It was okay for a while.”  
  
Jensen was still rubbing soothing circles into his shoulder. “Then what happened?”  
  
“My friend got a scholarship to Columbia. When she moved out I didn't have enough money for the apartment, but I couldn't find a new one. So I worked more and stopped going to college. It was just supposed to be for a while. And then I met Jeff.”  
  
Jared didn't really want to talk about this. He knew Jensen had a right to know, but it still hurt.  
  
Jensen was still there though, still a comforting presence at his back, and now he leaned in and presses a kiss to Jared's head.  
  
“Look, baby, I know you don't wanna talk about this, but something happened back then. I just want to help you, because I can see that it still bothers you. But I can't do anything if I don't know what happened.”  
  
Jared drew in a deep breath, trying to find the courage to go on. “I know. And you deserve to know. It's just...”  
  
Jensen kissed him again and Misha curled in tighter, pushing into Jared's hand and purring softly. It had been a long time since Jared had felt so safe and so loved.  
  
“Jeff, he owned the factory. He was older, but really smart and handsome and he always knew what to say. I was just this clumsy guy, only nineteen years old, no education, no money, but he took an interest. So when he wanted me I was flattered. And I had a crush on him. We couldn't date while I was working there though, because he was my boss and I was about to lose my apartment, so Jeff suggested that I move in with him.”  
  
Jared had to laugh at the memories, how stupid and naive he'd been back then. “I thought he was my white knight, swooping in to save me. So I moved in with him. I didn't have a job, couldn't pay rent or anything, but he let me work it off by doing his paperwork. And he was kind. He bought me clothes and stuff, took my out to fancy restaurants and he was good to me.”  
  
Jared could feel the tears starting to gather in his eyes, could feel how his shoulders tensed and he tried to make himself smaller, and if it was possible, Jensen held him even tighter.  
  
“Whatever it is he did, you can tell me. I won't judge you for it, okay? You were young and you were in a difficult situation. He was older and he took advantage of that. Just – I just need to now.” Jensen's voice was so soft, so full of love and support, and the words he'd never spoken before just started spilling out.  
  
“Jeff was always good to me and he told me how good he was to me, so I had to pay him back by being good as well. And I tried, I tried so hard, but it was never enough. There was always something wrong with the paperwork, I never cleaned the house well enough, and the food never tasted good enough. It was just, whatever I did, it was never enough. I was never enough for him. And he told me, all the time. That he didn't know why he was still putting up with me, giving me chance after chance even though I kept messing up. And he would get so angry sometimes...”  
  
“Did he hit you?” Jensen's voice was tight, full of suppressed anger, and Jared couldn't help but cringe.  
  
“No, never.”  
  
“But?”  
  
“He yelled.” Jared knew he was mumbling, Jeff had never liked that, but Jensen didn't say anything.  
  
“He told me how stupid and how clumsy I was and he was right. No matter how well he explained, I could never get it right, I  _always_  messed up. Sometimes he would throw the food on the floor if it was really bad and sometimes I had to sleep on the couch.”  
  
Jared had tried not to think about the cold nights on the stiff leather couch, with no blanket and no pillows, had tried not to think about the nights he went to bed hungry because he he hadn't deserved any food after messing up dinner.  
  
“You know he was wrong, right?”  
  
“What?”  
  
Jensen drew back then and turned Jared around. Jensen's green eyes were brimming with emotions, but Jared couldn't decipher them through the tears blurring his vision.  
  
Jensen reached out and a thumb brushed the wetness off his cheeks.  
  
“You're not stupid and you're not incompetent. You're amazing. Yes you are,” Jensen added when Jared shook his head instinctively.  
  
“You are the most amazing person I have ever known. You're kind and smart and despite all the shit you had to deal with you still care. You're a great cook, there hasn't been a single meal that wasn't delicious. And, Jared, I've seen the work you do in the pet store and you practically run the place, and it runs great. You're capable and able and everything Jeff said was nothing but a fucking lie, okay?”  
  
Jared had to look down, because it was getting too much, Jensen’s eyes so insistent.  
  
“But why?” It was the question he had asked himself every times when he tried to think about how Jeff had treated him.  
  
“Oh, that's easy.”  
  
When Jared looked back up at Jensen his mouth was set in a grim line.  
  
“He wanted you. He wanted all you had to give and he knew you'd never stay with him, because he was such an asshole. So he tried to make you feel like you couldn’t do anything, like he was keeping you around out of the goodness of his heart, so you'd be grateful and stay. But it was all just a lie to keep you with him.”  
  
Jensen took his hands and looked down at their intertwined fingers before looking up at Jared again.  
  
“He saw how amazing you are and wanted to keep you for himself.”  
  
“I'm not – I'm just...”  
  
“Yes, you are. You're great. Jesus, Jay, you're fucking perfect. How can you not know that?”  
  
Jared drew his hands back. Hearing Jensen say all these things, he felt so guilty. Somehow he had managed to deceive Jensen, hide who he really was, and now his boyfriend thought he was this great guy when he really wasn't. And then, when Jensen would find out-  
  
“I'm not. I'm nothing special.”  
  
Jensen looked so pained, just how Jared felt inside, but he had to tell him now. He couldn't deceive Jensen anymore.  
  
“I never was. My brother and my sister, they are the great kids, the successful ones. I'm just me. I was never really good in school, I never had a lot of friends. None of the universities I applied to accepted me – which is a good thing, I never would have made it anyway – and my first boyfriend cheated on me, because I was a prude. So you see I'm really just a failure.”  
  
He didn't dare look at Jensen again, but he had to. When he raised his eyes he wished he hadn’t.  
  
Jensen was looking at him, complete and utter shock on his face, but there was also something else, something Jared had become quite good at reading while living with Jeff. There was anger and disdain in Jensen's eyes, the things he'd never wanted to see.  
  
He got up from the couch so fast he almost stumbled, and Misha gave an indignant screech when he hit the floor, but Jared couldn’t sit there any longer.  
  
“I'm sorry I deceived you,” he said, but he didn't look at Jensen. Couldn't look at Jensen. “I understand if you don't want to see me anymore, I can go and-”  
  
There was a hand on his shoulder and then he was spun around, and Jensen was there right behind him, and then he kissed him.  
  
Jared floundered, didn’t know what was happening, but Jensen’s lips were pressing against his, hard and insistent, and there was no way he could do anything else but open up.  
  
“You're not going anywhere.” Jensen was almost panting into his mouth and his fingers were gripping Jared tightly, anchoring him when he was spinning with no idea what was going on.  
  
“You didn't deceive me or lie to me. You have to get it into that beautiful head of yours that I love you. I know who you are, okay? I see it every day and I want you. Always.”  
  
Jared couldn’t breathe, but then Jensen kissed him again. This time it was tender and careful, his fingers slowly threading into Jared's hair, but leaving him space to pull away if he wanted. Jared didn't.  
  
He just wanted to sink into Jensen, curl up in his arms forever and forget about the whole mess. He didn't want to wonder what Jensen saw in him, how he could still possibly love him.  
  
When Jensen drew back, Jared felt cold. But then his hand was back, stroking over his cheek.  
  
“I know you don't really believe me yet, but I'll prove it to you, every day. How amazing you are, what a great person you are. And if you still want to go to college, I'll do everything to help you.”  
  
“Jensen, I can't, I-”  
  
“Bullshit. You're smart and dedicated. There's no reason why you can't do it.”  
  
Jared fiddled with his hands. He'd love nothing more than to go back to college, but he hadn't been accepted anywhere even at the colleges that took everyone.  
  
“I'm not good enough. You gotta believe me, I didn’t get a single reply, and-”  
  
“Reply?” There was something harsh in Jensen’s voice when he interrupted him. “You didn't get a reply or you only got refusals?”  
  
“Replies,” Jared answered although he didn't know why it would matter.  
  
Jensen closed his eyes for a moment, something he did whenever he needed to calm down. Usually it had something to do with Misha though.  
  
“Every university you apply to sends you a reply, no matter if it's acceptance or refusal. If you didn't get a single letter, it meant someone kept them from reaching you. Jay, how pissed were your parents exactly about you being gay?”  
  
“What? No, my mom would never do that, she even gave me my college fund! It wasn't much, not after Dad lost his job, but she wanted me to go.”  
  
Even though his dad had thrown him out, his mom had still told him she'd always love him and that he could come back whenever he'd changed his mind. Jared knew that that would never happen of course, but it felt nice, knowing that his mom still loved him. He just couldn't believe she would do something like that.  
  
“Okay, I believe you. But what about your dad?”  
  
“He was never really interested in my life, I don't even know if he knew where I applied. He was all about Jeff becoming a football star and Megan becoming a beauty queen.”  
  
Jensen's eyebrows wrinkled and he shook his head. “But maybe he still could have done something like that?”  
  
Jared shook his head. He couldn't think about that, couldn’t think about the possibility that maybe he could have gone to college.  
  
“I don't know. And it doesn't really matter anymore.”  
  
Jensen's eyes were sad when he looked at him. “It does. If you want to go, it does. But you don't have to think about that now, if you don't want to. Let's just, sit back down okay?”  
  
Jared nodded and let Jensen draw him back onto the couch and into his arms.  
  
“I'm so glad you told me. And I'm so sorry I didn't pick up on it earlier, but baby I promise you that I love you. And I don't care how long it will take to make you see how amazing you, I won't ever stop telling you.”  
  
Jared didn't know what to say. Jensen still loved him. Despite everything he still thought Jared was great. And maybe Jared had been accepted to college way back then and maybe Jeff had really tried to manipulate him.  
  
Or maybe this was all a dream and he would wake up or maybe Jensen would change his mind when he realized Jared would never go to college, wasn't as great as he thought.  
  
All those thoughts were rushing through his mind, falling over each other, a swirling mess he couldn't get a hold of, so for now, he closed his eyes and buried his nose in Jensen's collar, at the place where his neck met his shoulder and his scent was warm and comforting.  
  
He felt Misha curling up next to him, felt Jensen’s hand rubbing over his back and he just let it all go. Sleep was tugging at him immediately and Jared just let it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added the tag dubious consent because when Jared sleeps with Jensen he does want to do it, mainly to feel close to him, but he also feels he needs to do it to keep Jensen happy and is scared of the penetrative sex. Jensen is unaware of the extent and reasons for Jared's anxiety.


End file.
